The approach

Approaching someone of interest can be daunting. What if he/she rejects me? What if they’re taken? These questions will never be revealed unless you build up the confidence to approach.

The approach is extremely important, your attitude and your persona are just some of the factors that determine whether someone will engage in conversation with you, and want to get know you further.

No two women are the same, and what we look for in an approach could differ. However, I believe we could agree collectively that respect and politeness is a common denominator in what we are looking for.

Personally, mannerisms is a must for me, I need to gather from the start that you are respectful. If you Address me with words such as ’oi, yo or a whistle’, I wouldn’t even give you the time of day, as I’ve already formed my opinion on you. At this stage, my name is not known to you, but there are other ways to address me, ’excuse me miss’ ’hi, can I have a few minutes of your time’. This is just examples of course lol.

Moreover, what appeals to me? In all honesty, if you look good, you have my attention, not to sound shallow. However, what follows plays a more significant role. Confidence is so attractive! Don’t overdo it, there’s a thin line between confident and arrogant. Be yourself, don’t put on a façade, we see through this.

A sense of humour? This is a must, you need to be able to make me laugh. Approaching someone can be awkward, so light-hearted banter makes both people involved more relaxed.

Additionally, I believe you should approach someone without expectations.

The person you are approaching may not be interested, maybe in a relationship or simply just doesn’t want to be approached. If you don’t get the response you want, just accept the rejection gracefully, there is plenty more fish in the sea, no one is obliged to want to get to know you further.

To assist me with this post further, I was able to get two women to share their perspective on ’being approached’.

Desiree Simone

I understand that I am a complicated magical creature. I go to bars alone, just to try a new scotch. I’d rather shop online than to ever try on a dress at a store. I can swear like a sailor but talk to your 90-year-old grandmother about the beautiful melodies of Glenn Miller.

And for this reason, I find it interesting that men have such a difficult time approaching me. Maybe I give off a highly confident, unapproachable vibe. Or maybe my RBF is so good that the men who do approach me, go straight to the “Sex Tactic”. You know what I mean. “Love that dress. It’ll look better on my floor!” No seriously, I had that happen.

Whether your approach is subtle or direct, there is a true art to approaching the opposite sex in order to strike up a conversation or even ask them out on a date. Here are some of my personal faves and a few No No’s when it comes to being approached by a guy.

Eye Contact, but no “Stalker Eyes”- When I see a guy lock eyes with me, or even if, on a date, I see that he is really looking at my eyes, it instantly puts me at ease. I want you to look at me and be engaging. But don’t look at me like you’re secretly undressing me in your mind. (Don’t worry though, we know you are!)

Be Funny vs Sexy- Being sexy with your approach is like eating dinner and starting with the dessert. Instead of going straight to the bedroom talk, why not try making me laugh. There are tons of studies that show that women appreciate a guy who can make her laugh. And why do you think that is? At the end of the day, if you can laugh together, you have a good chance of building something of value, rather than that bar hookup that ends with me deleting your number.

Compliment, Compliment, Compliment- There’s a great Chris Rock comedy special where he talks about what men need versus what women need. And he’s right in that one of the biggest things that women need is compliments. What this means is, we want you to acknowledge us and more than just “Oh, I like your eyes.” Don’t get me wrong, we love that. But if we talk about work and I mention how I was the youngest manager promoted to my current position, you might say something like “Wow. So you really work hard, and it’s paid off!” What that tells me is that you are listening to me, really listening, and you hold value to my work ethic. This, in turn, makes me feel that you are complimenting me as a person, and not just as a chick who you might want to see naked!

So go out there and take charge. Oh, and ladies, the approve can apply to you too. We often make a few mistakes with our approaches, but I think the biggest one we make is thinking that we CAN’T approach guys. So if I could give the best advice for women, just do it already! Buy that coffee for the hot guy who rides his bike to the coffee shop. Ask the guy at the gym what his arm routine is. Finally, talk to the cute tech support guy at work. The approach may be a fail, but an even bigger fail is sitting alone wishing you could have done something!

Kally

When it comes to being approached with romantic intent, I think I prefer to be approached by that person in the same way that they’d approach anyone else. I don’t really like being flirted with by someone I’ve just met, so if they just keep it friendly and try to get to know me a little at first, then I’ll feel more comfortable! 

For instance, let’s say I’m at a party – I find it really off-putting when a guy just comes up to me and instantly starts trying out chat-up lines and such. I much prefer it when they start off with a casual conversation, and then if we vibe well, then the flirty conversation will naturally follow.

I don’t like being approached in the street. On the occasion that it does happen, it tends to be from older men which makes me incredibly uncomfortable. If being approached in public, I don’t think I’d mind if it was from a ‘familiar stranger’ e.g. a regular at the bus stop who you acknowledge every now and then.

When being approached in general, I tend to seek authenticity. I can sense when someone is putting on a front with me and it makes me have an aversion towards that person. Also, I don’t really like small talk so if I can end up in a deep conversation with someone pretty soon after meeting them, it’s a sure sign that we’d get on well.

I believe a smile is pretty inviting. It instantly sets the mood for the rest of the approach. It means that the person has made a good impression already without even having to say anything at all! 

An example of a time I was put off by an approach – It was about 10 pm and I was waiting for the tube to get back home (when I still lived in London). I think I was about 17 at the time because I was doing NCS. There weren’t many people on the platform but a man (probably in his 40s) approached me and his first words were something like, “You look nice. Where are you going?” I lied and said I was going to a different station. But he definitely would’ve known I was going in the same direction, as we were both waiting for the tube on the same side. 

He asked if he could have my number and I said no, he then asked if I had a boyfriend. He was being persistent in his questions and wasn’t taking no for an answer. As soon as the tube came a couple minutes later, I quickly legged it up the platform so I’d be in a different carriage to him. I then ran home once I got off at my stop. 

As you can imagine, being a woman, it wasn’t a comfortable position to be in at all, and I was worried for my safety. I definitely think that men need to avoid approaching women when they are on their own, especially at night. We already feel vulnerable as it is, so even if the person is harmless, we’ve experienced enough difficulties with men and heard enough stories to know how things could end.

As a woman myself, this post focused mainly on men approaching women.

However, I am very aware that the old-fashioned ideal that sees men as the initiators is no longer the case.

Many women fear being seen as ”desperate” or ”too full on” if they approach a man. Hopefully, my next post will visit this viewpoint and help us to see what a few men think about being approached.

Thanks so much for reading this post, I would love to know your views on this topic. Comment below 🙂

Thank you also to Desiree and Kally for contributing to this post 🙂

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Would you sign a prenup

The topic of prenups is one that welcomes many mixed views. Me and Josh both share our perspective on this topic. To kick this post off we should first get a better understanding of what a prenup actually is:

A prenup is a legal contract/agreement that states how both finances and assets will be split between a couple in the unfortunate case of divorce. 
Some people are comfortable with the concept of signing a prenup whilst others will take immediate offence to this and could even flat-out refuse to sign it.

From researching this topic the most common reason as to why people take the idea of a prenup personally is that they believe it shows a lack of trust. They also see this agreement as preparing for the end of the marriage before it has even begun. Others that are for the idea of a prenup see it as just protecting their assets and nothing personal. They don’t see it as taking away from the marriage in any way.

My view

I can understand the argument both for and against signing a prenuptial agreement. On one hand if you trust someone whole heartedly and believe your both in it forever, what is the point of signing it. Others would also switch the argument and say that if you do see it as forever what is the harm in signing it, after all it will never come into play if we don’t  break up.

I am not married neither about to enter marriage but as of now I find myself leaning more towards not having to sign a prenup/having my partner sign one. The idea of having to sign an agreement pointing out what will occur if our relationship ends before saying ‘ I DO” just simply doesn’t appeal to me. It just seems like a negative way to begin a relationship.

I have always grown up with the concept of  when you enter marriage”whats yours is mine and whats mine is yours” and personally I believe a prenup dismisses this to a degree. We are becoming one after all, is that not the concept of marriage? 

Moreover, I like to look at both sides of an argument and when writing this post I was able to understand the mindset behind some wanting to have this agreement in place. If you are fully financially established before entering the relationship does your other half deserve half of that money which they didn’t work for or contribute towards in any way in the case of a break up? Probably not, unless kids are involved or the other party commited adultery.  A fair scenario would consist of the money accumulated by both of you whilst in the relationship and the marriage to be shared between you both equally if a divorce occurs. However, without a legal contract(a prenup) in place would this be the case.

Another reasons why a person may want to have a prenup in place is due to them believing a person could be marrying them solely due to their financial status or what they can gain from the marriage(gold digger). However if in any sort of doubt or worry should you be marrying that person to begin with? Probably not!

You should know your partner in and out before a decision about getting married is made and finances should have definitely been discussed by this point . 

We are all going to have a different opinion on subjects such as this. If you and your partner find yourselves in disagreement over the topic of prenups I think its important to respect one and others decision and ensure both view points are heard and understood.

It is a touchy subject so if a person is apprehensive and upset about the idea of signing a prenup initially let them warm to the idea. Ensure you are honest and let them know the reasons you believe a prenup is the right way to enter the marriage.

Moreover if someone is against signing a prenup you should also take their opinions into consideration. The reasons why they are against prenups may allow you to view the subject in a different light.

Josh’s view joshlovetalk.com

Personally I do not agree with prenup as I feel it is a threat to making successful marriage happen.

With divorce becoming increasingly popular, I understand that people feel the need to secure their finances, however I feel that mentality makes it difficult for marriage to thrive. It’s basically walking into a union designed to be eternal with a transient mind set. Marriage as lovely as it can be, comes with its challenges and going into it half-heartedly would most likely result into the marriage failing. 

For me, asking for prenup is not just a question of trust but also a question of how much value you feel the other person can add to you. So if you are unsure of your partner’s worth and value, should you be getting married to them?

If myself and my partner worked hard together to build some fortune but the marriage ends up in divorce, she’s definitely entitled to half because we worked for it together. On the flipside, if I was already made (financially successful), I would love to think I would be wise enough to marry someone that’s financial compatible or at least has enough about her to add value or complement what I already have going on. When you are in a strong financial position, you attract all sorts and it would be near impossible to tell who loves you for you or who loves you for what you can offer them. If you are not fortunate to have someone that’s been with you from the start, then it is important to use the dating period to better understand the person you’re with and the values they possess that would complement or add to what I already have going on.

The values do not always have to be money oriented; basically if your physical qualities were taken out of the picture, what else are you bringing to the table that can make your partners life better? 

If someone was to ask me for prenup, I will walk away from that relationship because I would not want to be with someone that feel I cannot add any value to them. 

Thanks for reading, We would love to know your view on this. Are you for or against a prenup?