Protecting the image of your relationship

“Girl, he’s so annoying, I actually can’t stand him sometimes”

Sound familiar?

We’ve all done it! Vent to a friend when we get into a disagreement with our partner. This could be because we are seeking a third party opinion. We convince ourselves that someone who is not directly involved can offer a better perspective on the issue at hand.

Whilst this is sometimes the case, I believe that unless the person you are involving does not have relation to either party, the opinion could be flawed, as it’s usually in your favour.

Individuals also vent as they feel a sense of release when they do so. I myself can relate, in the past, I’ve gone straight from an argument to call up my friend. Once I’ve let it all out, I suddenly feel better.

This is often because they’ve sided with me or seen it from my point of view when my partner perhaps didn’t. Although, I now feel better, what may my friend be thinking of my man or the relationship, especially if it’s something I’m doing regularly.

We also have to bear in mind that after a row, we are not in the most positives of moods, and could say something extremely negative about our partner in the heat of the moment, which will stick.

Before I go any further, I feel it’s vital to clarify that when I’m discussing why I believe it’s important not to discuss every relationship issue you have with family and friends. I’m referring to everyday spats, small annoyances, personal issues e.g financial or intimate.

When it’s more serious issues which involve physical, mental or emotional abuse. It’s essential that you express this to family and friends or seek professional help, as it’s not acceptable in any capacity.

So why shouldn’t every relationship issue be spoken about or relayed back to friends? Let’s discuss a few reasons:

Receiving wrong/biased advice

It’s very easy for someone who isn’t facing the dilemma/issue directly to offer advice. It usually goes like “if it was me….”

Guess what! It’s not them, it’s you! All relationships are different and what works for your friend’s relationship may not work for yours. So being encouraged or influenced to take particular action from their experience is likely to backfire.

You also need to bear in mind that only your side of the story has been heard, so when they are offering you feedback it’s likely to be biased to some degree. It’s your friend at the end of the day and their loyalty is to you.

The only two people that know the full story is you and your partner, hence why it should be discussed and resolved solely by the two of you.

Resentment of your partner

Discussing every frustration and argument you have with your partner will only result in family and friends resenting them. Just picture a time your friend bad mouthed a partner, did you not begin to form a negative opinion? even if it was only at that moment.

Many inform friends of the bad times but not so much the good, which is why a negative view could easily be formed. The outcome of this is usually them voicing that you deserve better and he/she is not the one for you.

Familiarity breeds contempt

For those who have never heard of this term, it basically means that close association with something or someone results in a loss of respect for it.

When we talk badly about our partner and our relationship, its perfectly acceptable right? after all, that’s our partner. However, when someone else does, it’s a what the f*** moment. This is, unfortunately, the outcome of oversharing.

You have invited outsiders into your relationship, so they have now become comfortable to talk badly about your other half. They are familiar with all the disagreements, have heard the negatives you have to say and now believe it’s okay to also do so. Do yourself a favour and avoid this happening by protecting the image of your relationship. Also, remember the relationship is not just yours, it’s your partners too.

Not knowing where to draw the line

There are certain topics that should never be up for discussion. Intimacy should be a no-no! your partner does not want your friends to know what goes down in the bedroom between the two of you and neither should you.

A girls night often leads to gossiping but you need to know where to draw the line. Intimate details of you and your partner’s sex life should be kept private at all cost.

Finances are also such a sensitive subject and should not be discussed with others.If your partner is experiencing financial issues, do not breach there trust by sharing this with others.

To conclude, I personally believe it’s important to protect the image of your relationship. It encourages and promotes effective communication. We learn how to deal with disagreements and issues head-on with our partner. Running to family and friends disrupts that process.

The law of attraction also plays a huge part with my whole thinking on protecting the image of your relationship. Putting the negative out there to family and friends for me is basically inviting more negative in.

Do not allow others to have front row seats to you and your partners problems, your relationship is your reality and not a movie.

Thanks for reading, I would love to know your view on this. Comment below 🙂

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The 5 love languages ❤️

In the past, I briefly skimmed through Gary Chapman’s book ’The 5 love languages’. This year I decided to read it and really get to grips with what Chapman describes as the 5 love languages and also how he thinks it can do wonders for a relationship but most importantly a marriage.

This book explains that we all have a primary love language, and that this is the way in which we tend to both feel and show love. Reading this book helped me to understand that just because I as an individual like to receive love in a particular way it doesn’t mean my partner does. It’s important to take time to know their love language and begin to act on it.

I am focusing on romantic relationships as the book also does, but I also believe this concept that Chapman coined will benefit our relationships with family, friends and others we meet on life’s journey.

In order to get a better understanding of the 5 love languages, I believe it’s a good idea to summarise them, especially for those who aren’t familiar with this theory.

Words of affirmation

Self-love and believing in ourselves is so significant to our well-being and growth. As much as that is great, it’s also an amazing feeling to know that someone else/others believe in us. Encouraging words really assist in building individuals up, in particular, those who’s dominant love language is ‘words of affirmation’.

Chapman expresses the importance of verbal compliments and explains how they are ‘powerful communicators of love’. He gives examples of this in his book, I chose two:

“You look sharp in that suit”

“You can always make me laugh”

These kinds of compliments will make your partner feel good and appreciated, it will give them the extra confidence that’s needed. We all have insecurities, showering them with encouraging words is where you come in. These words have the ability to eliminate any doubt your partner may have.

Moreover, there is also a downside to words being of such huge impact. Negative words have the power to put a downer of your partner’s parade and could result in them feeling low. If your partners love language is words of affirmation, I believe a good mindset to have is ‘think before you speak’

Quality time

Many underestimate the power of quality time. Some perceive quality time as simply spending time with one another. This book breaks it down and explains what it consist off.

Chapman states that ‘giving this person your undivided attention means practically disengaging from all outside sources’. This requires you focusing solely on your partner and not being distracted by the likes of phones, televisions of anything that could result in your attention being drawn away.

You may be an individual who is extremely busy with work, and family. Whilst these are all important aspects of life, if quality time is the way your partner feels love, you need to make it happen. We are all busy, but you make time for priorities, which your partner is. They require your time and to just be in your company, it’s not too much to ask for really, is it?

Receiving gifts

Universally, I’m sure most of us love receiving gifts, well I certainly do. Nevertheless, it’s not the most significant action that shows me love from a partner. However, for those whose primary love language is ‘receiving gifts’ it’s more than that. This signifies love to them. They want a visible gift that they are able to hold in their hand. The financial aspect of this gift is not important. This person enjoys and appreciates this gift knowing that they were thought of. It’s sentimental for this reason.

One’s partner may not be a gift giver, therefore struggles with satisfying their partner in this area. However love is about compromise and not everything will come naturally, but if a gift is what will make your spouse happy, you should be willing to make this happen. It’s a process that may not happen overnight, but with time you will see the joy it brings.

Acts of service

Now you are talking my language! Get it? By simply seeing what the 5 love languages were, I had already decided that this was mine. When I saw acts of service, the first thing that came to mind was ‘actions speak louder than words’. This is something I believe in completely, so I was sold.

However, I had to read the book to confirm my thoughts and to understand exactly what ‘acts of service’ as a love language entails.

Chapman says that those who speak this particular language ‘want their partner to recognise their life is tough and lend them a helping hand in anyway possible”.

I get stressed out quite easily, so when a partner can reduce stress for me in any way, I feel extremely appreciated. This can be by doing chores to ease the workload for me, whether that ’s cooking or washing up, basically anything I would like done. These acts require effort, and the reward will be how happy your partner feels once it’s completed.

Those with traditional values may struggle to fulfil roles such as this. Stereotypically, they see particular roles such as cooking and cleaning to be gender specific, acts women tends to carry out. However, if this is your woman’s love language, it may mean you need to alter this mindset. It may not come easily to you, but it is necessary.

The above example was related to acts a woman might appreciate, as I was talking from my perspective. If it was reversed and this was your man’s love language, of course the task or ways in which you could serve him would differ. This love language requires observation, over time you will be able to know what could help him/her out. This could be taking over something they constantly moan about doing. It could be as simple as that.

Physical touchWhat came to mind when you saw this header? For some, it was probably that it’s related to sexual intercourse.

Your not wrong, this does make up part of this love language, but it’s certainly not limited to this.

Physical touch consists also of physical contact such as embracing, holding hands and also kissing.

If this is your partners love language, this is the way they receive emotional love, a lack of this can result in them feeling unloved/less appreciated. For some, it could be hard for them to show love in this way, especially if this is not also their love language.

You may not be up for public displays of affection, which your partner may want. You may also simply not be a ‘touchy-feely person’. Whilst this may not be something you would indulge in normally if it’s the way in which your partner feels most loved, attempt to make them feel more secure in this way. This could be as simple as cuddling whilst chilling out. Your partner just wants to feel close to you in any way possible.

You probably read these 5 languages and found your self-relating to one or even more of them, maybe all. However, there is one that plays a dominant role, the one considered to be our primary love language. If you would like to have a clearer idea of your love language, (take this quiz). I believe it will help you identify your love language or at least get a clearer insight into this topic

In this post, I was only able to give a brief outline of what I got from this book. I highly recommend you purchase it, so you can form your own perspective. I really love the fact that Chapman incorporated case study’s in this book. He demonstrated the outcome of those who applied this concept to their relationship or particular situation. He also recommends ways you can integrate the particular love language of your spouse to the relationship.

Thanks for reading! What are your views on love languages as a whole? Comment below 😊

The approach

Approaching someone of interest can be daunting. What if he/she rejects me? What if they’re taken? These questions will never be revealed unless you build up the confidence to approach.

The approach is extremely important, your attitude and your persona are just some of the factors that determine whether someone will engage in conversation with you, and want to get know you further.

No two women are the same, and what we look for in an approach could differ. However, I believe we could agree collectively that respect and politeness is a common denominator in what we are looking for.

Personally, mannerisms is a must for me, I need to gather from the start that you are respectful. If you Address me with words such as ’oi, yo or a whistle’, I wouldn’t even give you the time of day, as I’ve already formed my opinion on you. At this stage, my name is not known to you, but there are other ways to address me, ’excuse me miss’ ’hi, can I have a few minutes of your time’. This is just examples of course lol.

Moreover, what appeals to me? In all honesty, if you look good, you have my attention, not to sound shallow. However, what follows plays a more significant role. Confidence is so attractive! Don’t overdo it, there’s a thin line between confident and arrogant. Be yourself, don’t put on a façade, we see through this.

A sense of humour? This is a must, you need to be able to make me laugh. Approaching someone can be awkward, so light-hearted banter makes both people involved more relaxed.

Additionally, I believe you should approach someone without expectations.

The person you are approaching may not be interested, maybe in a relationship or simply just doesn’t want to be approached. If you don’t get the response you want, just accept the rejection gracefully, there is plenty more fish in the sea, no one is obliged to want to get to know you further.

To assist me with this post further, I was able to get two women to share their perspective on ’being approached’.

Desiree Simone

I understand that I am a complicated magical creature. I go to bars alone, just to try a new scotch. I’d rather shop online than to ever try on a dress at a store. I can swear like a sailor but talk to your 90-year-old grandmother about the beautiful melodies of Glenn Miller.

And for this reason, I find it interesting that men have such a difficult time approaching me. Maybe I give off a highly confident, unapproachable vibe. Or maybe my RBF is so good that the men who do approach me, go straight to the “Sex Tactic”. You know what I mean. “Love that dress. It’ll look better on my floor!” No seriously, I had that happen.

Whether your approach is subtle or direct, there is a true art to approaching the opposite sex in order to strike up a conversation or even ask them out on a date. Here are some of my personal faves and a few No No’s when it comes to being approached by a guy.

Eye Contact, but no “Stalker Eyes”- When I see a guy lock eyes with me, or even if, on a date, I see that he is really looking at my eyes, it instantly puts me at ease. I want you to look at me and be engaging. But don’t look at me like you’re secretly undressing me in your mind. (Don’t worry though, we know you are!)

Be Funny vs Sexy- Being sexy with your approach is like eating dinner and starting with the dessert. Instead of going straight to the bedroom talk, why not try making me laugh. There are tons of studies that show that women appreciate a guy who can make her laugh. And why do you think that is? At the end of the day, if you can laugh together, you have a good chance of building something of value, rather than that bar hookup that ends with me deleting your number.

Compliment, Compliment, Compliment- There’s a great Chris Rock comedy special where he talks about what men need versus what women need. And he’s right in that one of the biggest things that women need is compliments. What this means is, we want you to acknowledge us and more than just “Oh, I like your eyes.” Don’t get me wrong, we love that. But if we talk about work and I mention how I was the youngest manager promoted to my current position, you might say something like “Wow. So you really work hard, and it’s paid off!” What that tells me is that you are listening to me, really listening, and you hold value to my work ethic. This, in turn, makes me feel that you are complimenting me as a person, and not just as a chick who you might want to see naked!

So go out there and take charge. Oh, and ladies, the approve can apply to you too. We often make a few mistakes with our approaches, but I think the biggest one we make is thinking that we CAN’T approach guys. So if I could give the best advice for women, just do it already! Buy that coffee for the hot guy who rides his bike to the coffee shop. Ask the guy at the gym what his arm routine is. Finally, talk to the cute tech support guy at work. The approach may be a fail, but an even bigger fail is sitting alone wishing you could have done something!

Kally

When it comes to being approached with romantic intent, I think I prefer to be approached by that person in the same way that they’d approach anyone else. I don’t really like being flirted with by someone I’ve just met, so if they just keep it friendly and try to get to know me a little at first, then I’ll feel more comfortable! 

For instance, let’s say I’m at a party – I find it really off-putting when a guy just comes up to me and instantly starts trying out chat-up lines and such. I much prefer it when they start off with a casual conversation, and then if we vibe well, then the flirty conversation will naturally follow.

I don’t like being approached in the street. On the occasion that it does happen, it tends to be from older men which makes me incredibly uncomfortable. If being approached in public, I don’t think I’d mind if it was from a ‘familiar stranger’ e.g. a regular at the bus stop who you acknowledge every now and then.

When being approached in general, I tend to seek authenticity. I can sense when someone is putting on a front with me and it makes me have an aversion towards that person. Also, I don’t really like small talk so if I can end up in a deep conversation with someone pretty soon after meeting them, it’s a sure sign that we’d get on well.

I believe a smile is pretty inviting. It instantly sets the mood for the rest of the approach. It means that the person has made a good impression already without even having to say anything at all! 

An example of a time I was put off by an approach – It was about 10 pm and I was waiting for the tube to get back home (when I still lived in London). I think I was about 17 at the time because I was doing NCS. There weren’t many people on the platform but a man (probably in his 40s) approached me and his first words were something like, “You look nice. Where are you going?” I lied and said I was going to a different station. But he definitely would’ve known I was going in the same direction, as we were both waiting for the tube on the same side. 

He asked if he could have my number and I said no, he then asked if I had a boyfriend. He was being persistent in his questions and wasn’t taking no for an answer. As soon as the tube came a couple minutes later, I quickly legged it up the platform so I’d be in a different carriage to him. I then ran home once I got off at my stop. 

As you can imagine, being a woman, it wasn’t a comfortable position to be in at all, and I was worried for my safety. I definitely think that men need to avoid approaching women when they are on their own, especially at night. We already feel vulnerable as it is, so even if the person is harmless, we’ve experienced enough difficulties with men and heard enough stories to know how things could end.

As a woman myself, this post focused mainly on men approaching women.

However, I am very aware that the old-fashioned ideal that sees men as the initiators is no longer the case.

Many women fear being seen as ”desperate” or ”too full on” if they approach a man. Hopefully, my next post will visit this viewpoint and help us to see what a few men think about being approached.

Thanks so much for reading this post, I would love to know your views on this topic. Comment below 🙂

Thank you also to Desiree and Kally for contributing to this post 🙂

Do labels matter in relationships?

Yes! That’s my answer and I’m sticking to it. As with all my post, I like to look at both perspectives. In this case, the reasons why labels are important but also why some deem it as not so important.

A label in this particular circumstance, is simply what you define your relationship status as. Typically when you initially meet someone and are getting to know them, you are likely to refer to it as dating. As things progress it may now become an official relationship, which is when labels such as girlfriend/boyfriend come in.

The first things that come to mind when an individual says “I hate labels” is one of two things. Commitment-phobia or he/she doesn’t want to be monogamous.

However, upon thinking about it in more depth, I understand the whole belief that it adds pressure to the relationship. All of a sudden a new bout of responsibility comes into the picture.

Although I agree to a certain degree, I also believe it’s part of the journey to finding the one. Naturally, as we progress in everyday life, whether it be our personal life’s or career, new responsibilities come in.

I am going to use an odd example: it’s like getting a promotion at work. You start off in a particular role, let’s say admin(that’s your title.)
Over time you may be promoted, to a supervisor which is now your new title.

A new role comes with new responsibility. It’s a positive in my opinion, it shows transition and progress just as with a relationship.
Some view labels as insignificant, a title that just adds unnecessary pressure.

However, others believe it signifies and makes clear what stage of the relationship you are at, which I totally agree with.
The cycle is this: Dating➡️boyfriend/girlfriend➡️fiancé➡️husband/wife.

Each of these stages/labels show your relationship is getting more serious and reaching new heights.
Labels don’t add pressure to the relationship, individuals associating unrealistic expectations to it does.

Many of us have seen or heard the quote “expectations lead to disappointment”.
Entering any relationship with this mindset is already setting yourself up for something negative. As your relationship transitions, new expectations come in, that’s life. Instead of viewing it as pressure, see it as growth.

Moreover, another question that comes up in relation to labels is ‘does a label stop cheating’?
Let’s be honest, if an individual is going to cheat, they will cheat, with or without the label.

However, a label makes it easier to hold an individual accountable for their actions. If you are with someone but haven’t made your relationship official, an easy cop-out would be ‘but we ain’t technically together’; which in all honesty is a fact.

This situation can be avoided by open and honest conversations from the start. This conversation will consist of both of you highlighting your boundaries. You will also make your expectations known, for instance agreeing not to sleep with anyone but each other.

This now becomes the unwritten rule, regardless if it’s not official. In this circumstance, if the person was to go ahead and sleep with someone else, you have a decision to make! Do you stay there, because it’s not really official? Or do you walk away, because, quite frankly you can’t trust this individuals words or actions? I know what I would do!!

I decided to write this post as I see often individuals settling for label-less relationships. Although some don’t see it as a big deal, I personally do. As I stated throughout this post, I believe it shows stages and growth.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe relationships need to be rushed. The dating stage should assist in you deciding whether you see a future with one and other. Once this is established, I see no reason why a title can’t be given to your relationship.

It’s also important to remember that some individuals will you give you a title solely based on the fact that they know its what you want. They may also believe that there are perks that come with this title. Don’t be so eager for the title that you misjudge the intentions of an individual.

Thanks for reading, I would love to know your views on this. Are labels important? Comment below 😊

Does the price of an engagement ring matter? 💍

I wrote a post last month on the topic of “How long is too long to wait between engagement and marriage”. So I decided to stick to the topic of engagement, this time in regards to the price of the ring.


I have come across a lot of articles that suggest that and individual should spend 2 to 3 months of their salary on an engagement ring. My immediate thoughts were, who came up with this notion because it’s frankly ridiculous in my opinion.

An engagement ring is symbolic as it shows both love and commitment but society as somehow turned it into a way to make large amounts of financial gain in the process. I certainly do not believe their should be a fixed rule on how much should be spent on the ring as everyone’s monthly wage and responsibilities differ.

Personally I believe an individual should spend what they can afford to on the ring, and it shouldn’t leave one broke or in debt. Although I don’t think hundreds need to be spent on the ring an extremely cheap ring is also not appealing. An engagement ring will be worn with pride and also for the duration of your lives together, so yes price does matter to a certain extent. I mean you can do better than a £50 ring from Argos and I am sure many would agree.

I am not materialist and genuinely care more about the thought that went into it than the actual price, but I hear way too many people say “it can cost £10 I don’t care” but most don’t really mean that, let’s be honest. I don’t want a ring that someone wears as a day to day ring to be my engagement ring but I would also never ask my partner how much the ring cost so would be none the wiser. One can only hope.

 I would like to believe that if I am going to be engaged to my partner I know them pretty well and should trust their decision in choosing the perfect ring for the perfect price that they can afford. At this stage in our relationship I should be aware of my partners financial circumstances and will certainly not want them to go above their means and would be annoyed if they did so. 

Although we all want a lovely diamond, it is also important to look at the bigger picture. This ring is just the first stage and just the start of the money that will need to be forked out towards our future. There is still the actual big day itself ,wedding ring/band, the honey moon and our lives after marriage, just to mention a few. 

When writing this post there was a particular factors that came to mind. One that I believe has the potential and probably previously has influenced how much is spent on the ring. This was:

Family and friends
Family and friends shouldn’t influence how much you spend on the ring but they do. Family do tend to give their unwanted views a lot in situations such as this, but in all honesty it is none of their business and the price of the ring should be solely down to you the buyer. 

I have read many threads about parents of the bride not being happy with how much was spent on the ring. Number one I think it’s rude for ones parents to ask the price of the ring and secondly the soon to be bride shouldn’t be telling them the price. This is quite personal information that like I mentioned above I wouldn’t even want know.

In regards to friends I think you can ask them to accompany you when picking out the ring just to maybe get a second opinion but never about the price. Individuals watch their friends propose and believe they need to buy a ring of a similar price or look but it is not a competition and not everyone has the same budget,don’t leave yourself out of pocket trying to impress others. 

The only person you should want to impress is your soon to be fiancé who will actually be wearing the ring and be starting a future with you.

To conclude, an engagement is more than just the financial element. You can spend a large amount on a ring and your partner may not even like it because it’s simply not their style. You need to listen to the types of ring your partner describes when your conversing. Look at the style of ring they show you when you’re out and about and use those details to ensure the ring is perfect and not the price.

Never allow outside influence to pressure you into spending more that you are capable of on the ring, because the only person that will be in financial strain is yourself.

Thanks for reading, I would love to know your views on this topic? 

Would you date a friends EX?

I thought I would do a post on this topic as I am sure people have very different views in regards to it. Many would argue that it is never acceptable and simply shouldn’t be done as it is somewhat the unwritten rule. Whilst others might say “you can’t help who you fall in love with.”

As with most things there are always two viewpoints as nothing is black and white. We all have an opinion on what we deem acceptable/not acceptable. The girl code/bro code is what you could describe as the friendship handbook of rules to abide to, and this comes into play when topics such as would you date a friends EX arise. So let’s discuss this further…

To kick this off let me give my personal view, which is that I would never date a friends ex, period! They say never say never, however I am very confident that this will never happen. I consider most my friends as family and to date someone they have been emotionally or physically attached to at some point,simply doesn’t appeal to me.

When our friends are with someone we are supposed to be their support system, someone they confide in when issues arise in their relationship and so on. So to begin dating the person they once or still have strong feelings for, is just not right in my opinion.

Many pull out the whole you can’t help who you fall in love with card, or it just happened. However, for me I stand with a view that “there is so much fish in the sea” why would it end up being a friends ex . Moreover you clearly didn’t gain feelings for this person overnight which may suggest that you was crushing on a friends ex the whole time they was together or was maybe even secretly wishing they would break up.

Of course in some situations you have contact with a friends ex because you may have been friends with the person prior to the relationship or may have even been the one that set them up which complicates things more. Regardless I still think you don’t cross that line because if you had feelings for this person you should have made them clear before your friend got involved with them.

Making a decision to date a friend’s ex is definitely one that could cause awkwardness or even lead to a friendship ending and there is definitely a lot that needs to be taken into consideration such as:

Friendship level

When talking about friendship levels, I am talking about how high you hold that friendship. A person can be your acquaintance or work colleague,these kind of relationships may not be as affected as it would be with a close friend/best friend who you should have complete loyalty too. Even if you are not close friends with this person  I still think it’s best to have a conversation with them out of respect.

Terms of their break up

If your friend and their ex broke up on bad terms and you was witness to the hurt they endured from the breakup, and yoy now want to date the person that caused this, there is a high chance  that the friendship will come to an end. A friend is likely to take this badly because let’s be honest it’s a hard pill to swallow. Whereas it may be a different scenario if they broke up mutually because they simply wasn’t right for each other and the relationship just wasn’t working out.

Duration of their relationship

The duration of the relationship could play a part on your friends reaction.If this was a short term relationship that was for example  three months and wasn’t that serious a friend may still be annoyed at this prospect but not in comparison to a relationship that may have been six months and over that which would be considered more serious and will have a worst reaction. Of course the short term relationship could have equally have had a lot of emotions invested. However, generally individuals seem to gain more feelings as the relationship progresses, hence my example of different time barriers.

Is your friend over their EX

As a friend you know when your friend is over someone, whether they admit it or not. We just know these things. There are little signs to look out for, they may still talk about them or even get upset when you mention their name.

These are just some of the things that come to mind. I believe that if you weigh all things up and still want to date a friends ex then this is the point to have a conversation with them. In all honesty this won’t be an easy conversation and you may leave it with one less friend .If you are part of a large group of friends this could also lead to certain other friends choosing not to talk to you, so be prepared for this. Of course ultimately you have the final say but all I will say is think of the long term and not the short term. If you sacrifice you friendship for this relationship and it doesn’t work out you have lost a valuable friendship that can’t be replaced.

To conclude, with everything in life there are many factors to think of before making a decision such as this. Ask yourself this, if the shoe was on the other foot and your friend was dating your ex would you be OK with it?

It is never a good idea to attempt to date a friends EX in secret because when it comes out and it will!! The friendship will already be ruined not only because you’re dating their ex but simply due to the fact that you wasn’t upfront.

Always be prepared for their reaction and respect it. A friend can be genuinely over the moon for you that you found someone you like even if it is their EX. However I doubt most will LOL. Some friends will immediately want to terminate the friendship and some might simply need time to digest this news. So stay ready for the response.

Thanks for reading, I would love to know your views on this topic, please comment below.