“Girl, he’s so annoying, I actually can’t stand him sometimes”
We’ve all done it! Vent to a friend when we get into a disagreement with our partner. This could be because we are seeking a third party opinion. We convince ourselves that someone who is not directly involved can offer a better perspective on the issue at hand.
Whilst this is sometimes the case, I believe that unless the person you are involving does not have relation to either party, the opinion could be flawed, as it’s usually in your favour.
Individuals also vent as they feel a sense of release when they do so. I myself can relate, in the past, I’ve gone straight from an argument to call up my friend. Once I’ve let it all out, I suddenly feel better.
This is often because they’ve sided with me or seen it from my point of view when my partner perhaps didn’t. Although, I now feel better, what may my friend be thinking of my man or the relationship, especially if it’s something I’m doing regularly.
We also have to bear in mind that after a row, we are not in the most positives of moods, and could say something extremely negative about our partner in the heat of the moment, which will stick.
Before I go any further, I feel it’s vital to clarify that when I’m discussing why I believe it’s important not to discuss every relationship issue you have with family and friends. I’m referring to everyday spats, small annoyances, personal issues e.g financial or intimate.
When it’s more serious issues which involve physical, mental or emotional abuse. It’s essential that you express this to family and friends or seek professional help, as it’s not acceptable in any capacity.
So why shouldn’t every relationship issue be spoken about or relayed back to friends? Let’s discuss a few reasons:
Receiving wrong/biased advice
It’s very easy for someone who isn’t facing the dilemma/issue directly to offer advice. It usually goes like “if it was me….”
Guess what! It’s not them, it’s you! All relationships are different and what works for your friend’s relationship may not work for yours. So being encouraged or influenced to take particular action from their experience is likely to backfire.
You also need to bear in mind that only your side of the story has been heard, so when they are offering you feedback it’s likely to be biased to some degree. It’s your friend at the end of the day and their loyalty is to you.
The only two people that know the full story is you and your partner, hence why it should be discussed and resolved solely by the two of you.
Resentment of your partner
Discussing every frustration and argument you have with your partner will only result in family and friends resenting them. Just picture a time your friend bad mouthed a partner, did you not begin to form a negative opinion? even if it was only at that moment.
Many inform friends of the bad times but not so much the good, which is why a negative view could easily be formed. The outcome of this is usually them voicing that you deserve better and he/she is not the one for you.
Familiarity breeds contempt
For those who have never heard of this term, it basically means that close association with something or someone results in a loss of respect for it.
When we talk badly about our partner and our relationship, its perfectly acceptable right? after all, that’s our partner. However, when someone else does, it’s a what the f*** moment. This is, unfortunately, the outcome of oversharing.
You have invited outsiders into your relationship, so they have now become comfortable to talk badly about your other half. They are familiar with all the disagreements, have heard the negatives you have to say and now believe it’s okay to also do so. Do yourself a favour and avoid this happening by protecting the image of your relationship. Also, remember the relationship is not just yours, it’s your partners too.
Not knowing where to draw the line
There are certain topics that should never be up for discussion. Intimacy should be a no-no! your partner does not want your friends to know what goes down in the bedroom between the two of you and neither should you.
A girls night often leads to gossiping but you need to know where to draw the line. Intimate details of you and your partner’s sex life should be kept private at all cost.
Finances are also such a sensitive subject and should not be discussed with others.If your partner is experiencing financial issues, do not breach there trust by sharing this with others.
To conclude, I personally believe it’s important to protect the image of your relationship. It encourages and promotes effective communication. We learn how to deal with disagreements and issues head-on with our partner. Running to family and friends disrupts that process.
The law of attraction also plays a huge part with my whole thinking on protecting the image of your relationship. Putting the negative out there to family and friends for me is basically inviting more negative in.
Do not allow others to have front row seats to you and your partners problems, your relationship is your reality and not a movie.
Thanks for reading, I would love to know your view on this. Comment below 🙂