The 5 love languages ❤️

In the past, I briefly skimmed through Gary Chapman’s book ’The 5 love languages’. This year I decided to read it and really get to grips with what Chapman describes as the 5 love languages and also how he thinks it can do wonders for a relationship but most importantly a marriage.

This book explains that we all have a primary love language, and that this is the way in which we tend to both feel and show love. Reading this book helped me to understand that just because I as an individual like to receive love in a particular way it doesn’t mean my partner does. It’s important to take time to know their love language and begin to act on it.

I am focusing on romantic relationships as the book also does, but I also believe this concept that Chapman coined will benefit our relationships with family, friends and others we meet on life’s journey.

In order to get a better understanding of the 5 love languages, I believe it’s a good idea to summarise them, especially for those who aren’t familiar with this theory.

Words of affirmation

Self-love and believing in ourselves is so significant to our well-being and growth. As much as that is great, it’s also an amazing feeling to know that someone else/others believe in us. Encouraging words really assist in building individuals up, in particular, those who’s dominant love language is ‘words of affirmation’.

Chapman expresses the importance of verbal compliments and explains how they are ‘powerful communicators of love’. He gives examples of this in his book, I chose two:

“You look sharp in that suit”

“You can always make me laugh”

These kinds of compliments will make your partner feel good and appreciated, it will give them the extra confidence that’s needed. We all have insecurities, showering them with encouraging words is where you come in. These words have the ability to eliminate any doubt your partner may have.

Moreover, there is also a downside to words being of such huge impact. Negative words have the power to put a downer of your partner’s parade and could result in them feeling low. If your partners love language is words of affirmation, I believe a good mindset to have is ‘think before you speak’

Quality time

Many underestimate the power of quality time. Some perceive quality time as simply spending time with one another. This book breaks it down and explains what it consist off.

Chapman states that ‘giving this person your undivided attention means practically disengaging from all outside sources’. This requires you focusing solely on your partner and not being distracted by the likes of phones, televisions of anything that could result in your attention being drawn away.

You may be an individual who is extremely busy with work, and family. Whilst these are all important aspects of life, if quality time is the way your partner feels love, you need to make it happen. We are all busy, but you make time for priorities, which your partner is. They require your time and to just be in your company, it’s not too much to ask for really, is it?

Receiving gifts

Universally, I’m sure most of us love receiving gifts, well I certainly do. Nevertheless, it’s not the most significant action that shows me love from a partner. However, for those whose primary love language is ‘receiving gifts’ it’s more than that. This signifies love to them. They want a visible gift that they are able to hold in their hand. The financial aspect of this gift is not important. This person enjoys and appreciates this gift knowing that they were thought of. It’s sentimental for this reason.

One’s partner may not be a gift giver, therefore struggles with satisfying their partner in this area. However love is about compromise and not everything will come naturally, but if a gift is what will make your spouse happy, you should be willing to make this happen. It’s a process that may not happen overnight, but with time you will see the joy it brings.

Acts of service

Now you are talking my language! Get it? By simply seeing what the 5 love languages were, I had already decided that this was mine. When I saw acts of service, the first thing that came to mind was ‘actions speak louder than words’. This is something I believe in completely, so I was sold.

However, I had to read the book to confirm my thoughts and to understand exactly what ‘acts of service’ as a love language entails.

Chapman says that those who speak this particular language ‘want their partner to recognise their life is tough and lend them a helping hand in anyway possible”.

I get stressed out quite easily, so when a partner can reduce stress for me in any way, I feel extremely appreciated. This can be by doing chores to ease the workload for me, whether that ’s cooking or washing up, basically anything I would like done. These acts require effort, and the reward will be how happy your partner feels once it’s completed.

Those with traditional values may struggle to fulfil roles such as this. Stereotypically, they see particular roles such as cooking and cleaning to be gender specific, acts women tends to carry out. However, if this is your woman’s love language, it may mean you need to alter this mindset. It may not come easily to you, but it is necessary.

The above example was related to acts a woman might appreciate, as I was talking from my perspective. If it was reversed and this was your man’s love language, of course the task or ways in which you could serve him would differ. This love language requires observation, over time you will be able to know what could help him/her out. This could be taking over something they constantly moan about doing. It could be as simple as that.

Physical touchWhat came to mind when you saw this header? For some, it was probably that it’s related to sexual intercourse.

Your not wrong, this does make up part of this love language, but it’s certainly not limited to this.

Physical touch consists also of physical contact such as embracing, holding hands and also kissing.

If this is your partners love language, this is the way they receive emotional love, a lack of this can result in them feeling unloved/less appreciated. For some, it could be hard for them to show love in this way, especially if this is not also their love language.

You may not be up for public displays of affection, which your partner may want. You may also simply not be a ‘touchy-feely person’. Whilst this may not be something you would indulge in normally if it’s the way in which your partner feels most loved, attempt to make them feel more secure in this way. This could be as simple as cuddling whilst chilling out. Your partner just wants to feel close to you in any way possible.

You probably read these 5 languages and found your self-relating to one or even more of them, maybe all. However, there is one that plays a dominant role, the one considered to be our primary love language. If you would like to have a clearer idea of your love language, (take this quiz). I believe it will help you identify your love language or at least get a clearer insight into this topic

In this post, I was only able to give a brief outline of what I got from this book. I highly recommend you purchase it, so you can form your own perspective. I really love the fact that Chapman incorporated case study’s in this book. He demonstrated the outcome of those who applied this concept to their relationship or particular situation. He also recommends ways you can integrate the particular love language of your spouse to the relationship.

Thanks for reading! What are your views on love languages as a whole? Comment below 😊

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The approach

Approaching someone of interest can be daunting. What if he/she rejects me? What if they’re taken? These questions will never be revealed unless you build up the confidence to approach.

The approach is extremely important, your attitude and your persona are just some of the factors that determine whether someone will engage in conversation with you, and want to get know you further.

No two women are the same, and what we look for in an approach could differ. However, I believe we could agree collectively that respect and politeness is a common denominator in what we are looking for.

Personally, mannerisms is a must for me, I need to gather from the start that you are respectful. If you Address me with words such as ’oi, yo or a whistle’, I wouldn’t even give you the time of day, as I’ve already formed my opinion on you. At this stage, my name is not known to you, but there are other ways to address me, ’excuse me miss’ ’hi, can I have a few minutes of your time’. This is just examples of course lol.

Moreover, what appeals to me? In all honesty, if you look good, you have my attention, not to sound shallow. However, what follows plays a more significant role. Confidence is so attractive! Don’t overdo it, there’s a thin line between confident and arrogant. Be yourself, don’t put on a façade, we see through this.

A sense of humour? This is a must, you need to be able to make me laugh. Approaching someone can be awkward, so light-hearted banter makes both people involved more relaxed.

Additionally, I believe you should approach someone without expectations.

The person you are approaching may not be interested, maybe in a relationship or simply just doesn’t want to be approached. If you don’t get the response you want, just accept the rejection gracefully, there is plenty more fish in the sea, no one is obliged to want to get to know you further.

To assist me with this post further, I was able to get two women to share their perspective on ’being approached’.

Desiree Simone

I understand that I am a complicated magical creature. I go to bars alone, just to try a new scotch. I’d rather shop online than to ever try on a dress at a store. I can swear like a sailor but talk to your 90-year-old grandmother about the beautiful melodies of Glenn Miller.

And for this reason, I find it interesting that men have such a difficult time approaching me. Maybe I give off a highly confident, unapproachable vibe. Or maybe my RBF is so good that the men who do approach me, go straight to the “Sex Tactic”. You know what I mean. “Love that dress. It’ll look better on my floor!” No seriously, I had that happen.

Whether your approach is subtle or direct, there is a true art to approaching the opposite sex in order to strike up a conversation or even ask them out on a date. Here are some of my personal faves and a few No No’s when it comes to being approached by a guy.

Eye Contact, but no “Stalker Eyes”- When I see a guy lock eyes with me, or even if, on a date, I see that he is really looking at my eyes, it instantly puts me at ease. I want you to look at me and be engaging. But don’t look at me like you’re secretly undressing me in your mind. (Don’t worry though, we know you are!)

Be Funny vs Sexy- Being sexy with your approach is like eating dinner and starting with the dessert. Instead of going straight to the bedroom talk, why not try making me laugh. There are tons of studies that show that women appreciate a guy who can make her laugh. And why do you think that is? At the end of the day, if you can laugh together, you have a good chance of building something of value, rather than that bar hookup that ends with me deleting your number.

Compliment, Compliment, Compliment- There’s a great Chris Rock comedy special where he talks about what men need versus what women need. And he’s right in that one of the biggest things that women need is compliments. What this means is, we want you to acknowledge us and more than just “Oh, I like your eyes.” Don’t get me wrong, we love that. But if we talk about work and I mention how I was the youngest manager promoted to my current position, you might say something like “Wow. So you really work hard, and it’s paid off!” What that tells me is that you are listening to me, really listening, and you hold value to my work ethic. This, in turn, makes me feel that you are complimenting me as a person, and not just as a chick who you might want to see naked!

So go out there and take charge. Oh, and ladies, the approve can apply to you too. We often make a few mistakes with our approaches, but I think the biggest one we make is thinking that we CAN’T approach guys. So if I could give the best advice for women, just do it already! Buy that coffee for the hot guy who rides his bike to the coffee shop. Ask the guy at the gym what his arm routine is. Finally, talk to the cute tech support guy at work. The approach may be a fail, but an even bigger fail is sitting alone wishing you could have done something!

Kally

When it comes to being approached with romantic intent, I think I prefer to be approached by that person in the same way that they’d approach anyone else. I don’t really like being flirted with by someone I’ve just met, so if they just keep it friendly and try to get to know me a little at first, then I’ll feel more comfortable! 

For instance, let’s say I’m at a party – I find it really off-putting when a guy just comes up to me and instantly starts trying out chat-up lines and such. I much prefer it when they start off with a casual conversation, and then if we vibe well, then the flirty conversation will naturally follow.

I don’t like being approached in the street. On the occasion that it does happen, it tends to be from older men which makes me incredibly uncomfortable. If being approached in public, I don’t think I’d mind if it was from a ‘familiar stranger’ e.g. a regular at the bus stop who you acknowledge every now and then.

When being approached in general, I tend to seek authenticity. I can sense when someone is putting on a front with me and it makes me have an aversion towards that person. Also, I don’t really like small talk so if I can end up in a deep conversation with someone pretty soon after meeting them, it’s a sure sign that we’d get on well.

I believe a smile is pretty inviting. It instantly sets the mood for the rest of the approach. It means that the person has made a good impression already without even having to say anything at all! 

An example of a time I was put off by an approach – It was about 10 pm and I was waiting for the tube to get back home (when I still lived in London). I think I was about 17 at the time because I was doing NCS. There weren’t many people on the platform but a man (probably in his 40s) approached me and his first words were something like, “You look nice. Where are you going?” I lied and said I was going to a different station. But he definitely would’ve known I was going in the same direction, as we were both waiting for the tube on the same side. 

He asked if he could have my number and I said no, he then asked if I had a boyfriend. He was being persistent in his questions and wasn’t taking no for an answer. As soon as the tube came a couple minutes later, I quickly legged it up the platform so I’d be in a different carriage to him. I then ran home once I got off at my stop. 

As you can imagine, being a woman, it wasn’t a comfortable position to be in at all, and I was worried for my safety. I definitely think that men need to avoid approaching women when they are on their own, especially at night. We already feel vulnerable as it is, so even if the person is harmless, we’ve experienced enough difficulties with men and heard enough stories to know how things could end.

As a woman myself, this post focused mainly on men approaching women.

However, I am very aware that the old-fashioned ideal that sees men as the initiators is no longer the case.

Many women fear being seen as ”desperate” or ”too full on” if they approach a man. Hopefully, my next post will visit this viewpoint and help us to see what a few men think about being approached.

Thanks so much for reading this post, I would love to know your views on this topic. Comment below 🙂

Thank you also to Desiree and Kally for contributing to this post 🙂

Dating deal breakers

Following on from my previous post which was on dating, I decided to remain on that topic. This time discussing dating deal breakers.

Before I go any further I should first explain what I mean by dating deal breakers. These are traits a man or woman possesses that you are not attracted to or won’t be able to tolerate or accept going forward. Although many stick to their deal breakers, others ignore them and don’t view them as significant enough to get in the way of pursuing someone.

There are individuals that believe particular deal breakers come down to being shallow, especially if it’s in reference to looks. However wanting a potential partner that has a particular build/look for instance comes down to preference in my opinion. Let’s be honest we have all been guilty of being attracted to someone based solely on physical attributes.

On the other hand there are some who take physical preferences to the extreme and will give no leeway at all. Although I believe it’s good to go for what you want, there is no such thing as perfect so finding someone with every trait you want could prove extremely difficult.

Upon writing this post I made it a priority to ask individuals what some of their dating deal breakers were, so I could incorporate some of them into this post. That way it wouldn’t just be from my point of view but instead a wider perspective. So let’s look at a few, I have not listed them in order of importance.

Past infidelity

Once a cheat always a cheat! Although I’m not sure whether I believe this to be true, a significant amount of people do. A person who has cheated in past relationships is a put off to some and a reason one may refrain from getting to know an individual further. Whilst a past cheater can be an immediate red flag, others believe the person will change and won’t do the same to them.

Age

Age ain’t nothing but a number is the mind-set of some but for others age matters. Some don’t want to go for someone much older or younger than them as they believe they may be in different stages of life than one and other. I also believe others deem age as a deal breaker out of fear of how others/ society will view it.

On the other hand there are individuals who strictly only go for someone older than them as they feel they are much more mature. However life has taught me that age doesn’t measure maturity. This is a deal breaker that comes down to the individual.

Height

Dating someone strictly based on their height could be viewed to some as shallow but I believe it’s down to what one wants. Many women I have spoken to have stated they would prefer to date a man taller than them but it’s not a big deal. Whilst others said there would be no budging and that someone shorter than them is a no no. This could be applied both ways as a shorter man may not want to date a woman that’s considerably taller than himself.

Religion

Religion is a massive deal breaker for many as some want someone that shares the same beliefs as them and that they can attend the same place of worship with. Others don’t deem difference of religion to be a deal breaker as long as both people involved respect one and others views.

Although you can initially see past the difference of religion it could prove to be a problem further down in the relationship, especially when you have kids and can’t agree on different aspects like what holidays they celebrate etc.

Jobless due to laziness

Let’s keep it real, in this day and age there are reasons that could result in an individual being unemployed for e.g. being laid off and health issues.

However, there are some people who are jobless due to laziness or simply lack of ambition. Many who I’ve asked both personally and through a poll I carried out, expressed that and individual being jobless is their biggest deal breaker if it is not for reasons beyond their control, which is totally understandable. Some can see past this and attempt to motivate the person in question, but in all honesty you can only help someone that wants to be helped.

Smoker

There are many habits that some can’t deal with and smoking is one of them. I personally wouldn’t date a smoker as I can’t tolerate the smell and don’t want to be a passive smoker if I am being honest.

Some are able to look past the fact that someone they are dating smokes as they believe they have the potential to get them to quit.

Hygiene

Poor hygiene was a common answer in both the males and females I asked about their dating deal breakers. Fact is no one wants a person with traits such as bad body odour and bad breath these are not acceptable and will put one of dating you further especially if its a regular occurrence . Poor hygiene is both a turn of physically and romantically.

This issue can be addressed but some won’t even view it as discussion worthy and will choose not to pursue things further.

Different long term goals

Some may think it’s too early during the dating stage to ask what one and others family goals are etc.,however I am the opposite and think these things should be asked pretty early on. Do you see yourself being married one day? Do you want kids? These are standard questions that I believe need to be asked.

If you are a person that wants to be married and wants to have kids but the person you are dating doesn’t it’s best to know from the start instead of finding out when feelings are deeply involved. If you don’t want the same thing long term why waste time? Unless of course you are willing to compromise or hope they will change their mind down the line.

I was unable to write about all the deal breakers that I and others may have. Writing this post has emphasized the fact that we all have preferences, some we may be willing to compromise and others we are not. Men and women also have huge similarities in terms of what they consider to be deal breakers.

This post has also inspired me to do a post on dating deal makers, which will discuss the traits that you find desirable during the dating period the ones that tick the right boxes in your quest to taking things further.

Thanks for reading, I would love to know what some of your dating deal breakers are, comment below.

Long distance relationships 

It took me a while to decide what to write this blog post about and I finally decided to go with the topic of long distance relationships. I chose this particular topic as I know someone personally who’s in one and thought I would give my views on this topic having observed it and also from my own perspective.

New age technology and social media have made if far more easy for individuals to connect with one and other,and maintain a relationship through these means regardless of ones location. You are able to not only talk via the phone but also through video calls or messaging services. 

Long distance relationships just like most things in life have both their pros and cons. I will not be able to cover all but will take a look at a few. Starting with the positives:

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

We have all heard the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” and this is definitely true. We miss those that are away from us for as little as one week so one can only imagine how heightened it will be over a longer period. Little things such as kissing or even holding hands that some of us take for granted will mean so much. Missing someone makes it more exciting when you finally get to reunite, time becomes more precious.


Traveling

Traveling is always fun especially if it involves you traveling to another country. If that country is hot even better right?. Another bonus is also stacking up on your air miles which will give you great rewards.

There is so much to explore in a place you are not from. Sites to see, activities to get involved in and food to indulge in and this makes a long distance relationship perfect. You can both experience new things together.
Although I have visited the positives there are also barriers that some may describe as negatives.

Time zones 

Time difference can prove to be a problem especially if it’s a big one, which means for instance your night time is your partners morning . A clash in schedule will mean you may be available to talk at a particular time whereas your partner may be working at the same time or vice versa. This will result in a lack of communication. However where there’s a will there’s a way.

Communication issues

Communication is key in any relationship regardless of the distance between you and your partner. However It can become more challenging to communicate effectively when you’re in different parts of the world. Disagreements may not get resolved as quickly as they should as misinterpretation can occur over the phone or via messages.

 A face to face argument can be resolved far more quickly. When the dust settle couples are able to kiss and make up reassuring their other half that all is well. This can not be done in a long distance relationship. Some could argue that this is a positive, living further apart means one is able to have space and a cool off after an argument.

Travel expenses 

Financial strain can take its toll on a long distance relationship with traveling to and from a particular destination. This could result in one or both individuals not being able to see the other as frequently as they may like or may have previously discussed. 


There are always going to be individuals around you such as your family and friends who have a view on long distance relationships. They may therefore try to discourage you but ultimately it’s down to you and how strongly you feel for the person in question and wether you see a future with them.
Personally I have always commended those that are able to be in a long distance relationship. It takes hard work ,discipline, trust and commitment to make it work which are great attributes.

Many are not open to the idea of a long distance relationship, perhaps due to the effort that has to go into it or not being able to physically be with their partner. 
However, I do believe that one should be open to the idea and not write it off completely. We do not know what the future holds for us which means the person you’re destined to be with could be on the other side of the world. If you meet someone but circumstances means you have to be apart does that mean the end for you both? Should that be a barrier? 

“Distance means so little when someone means so much.” ~ Tom McNeal 

Thanks for reading, I would love to know your views on long distance relationships. 

Does the price of an engagement ring matter? 💍

I wrote a post last month on the topic of “How long is too long to wait between engagement and marriage”. So I decided to stick to the topic of engagement, this time in regards to the price of the ring.


I have come across a lot of articles that suggest that and individual should spend 2 to 3 months of their salary on an engagement ring. My immediate thoughts were, who came up with this notion because it’s frankly ridiculous in my opinion.

An engagement ring is symbolic as it shows both love and commitment but society as somehow turned it into a way to make large amounts of financial gain in the process. I certainly do not believe their should be a fixed rule on how much should be spent on the ring as everyone’s monthly wage and responsibilities differ.

Personally I believe an individual should spend what they can afford to on the ring, and it shouldn’t leave one broke or in debt. Although I don’t think hundreds need to be spent on the ring an extremely cheap ring is also not appealing. An engagement ring will be worn with pride and also for the duration of your lives together, so yes price does matter to a certain extent. I mean you can do better than a £50 ring from Argos and I am sure many would agree.

I am not materialist and genuinely care more about the thought that went into it than the actual price, but I hear way too many people say “it can cost £10 I don’t care” but most don’t really mean that, let’s be honest. I don’t want a ring that someone wears as a day to day ring to be my engagement ring but I would also never ask my partner how much the ring cost so would be none the wiser. One can only hope.

 I would like to believe that if I am going to be engaged to my partner I know them pretty well and should trust their decision in choosing the perfect ring for the perfect price that they can afford. At this stage in our relationship I should be aware of my partners financial circumstances and will certainly not want them to go above their means and would be annoyed if they did so. 

Although we all want a lovely diamond, it is also important to look at the bigger picture. This ring is just the first stage and just the start of the money that will need to be forked out towards our future. There is still the actual big day itself ,wedding ring/band, the honey moon and our lives after marriage, just to mention a few. 

When writing this post there was a particular factors that came to mind. One that I believe has the potential and probably previously has influenced how much is spent on the ring. This was:

Family and friends
Family and friends shouldn’t influence how much you spend on the ring but they do. Family do tend to give their unwanted views a lot in situations such as this, but in all honesty it is none of their business and the price of the ring should be solely down to you the buyer. 

I have read many threads about parents of the bride not being happy with how much was spent on the ring. Number one I think it’s rude for ones parents to ask the price of the ring and secondly the soon to be bride shouldn’t be telling them the price. This is quite personal information that like I mentioned above I wouldn’t even want know.

In regards to friends I think you can ask them to accompany you when picking out the ring just to maybe get a second opinion but never about the price. Individuals watch their friends propose and believe they need to buy a ring of a similar price or look but it is not a competition and not everyone has the same budget,don’t leave yourself out of pocket trying to impress others. 

The only person you should want to impress is your soon to be fiancé who will actually be wearing the ring and be starting a future with you.

To conclude, an engagement is more than just the financial element. You can spend a large amount on a ring and your partner may not even like it because it’s simply not their style. You need to listen to the types of ring your partner describes when your conversing. Look at the style of ring they show you when you’re out and about and use those details to ensure the ring is perfect and not the price.

Never allow outside influence to pressure you into spending more that you are capable of on the ring, because the only person that will be in financial strain is yourself.

Thanks for reading, I would love to know your views on this topic? 

Women would you propose to a Man? Men would you want a woman to propose to you?

I know I know it’s the 21st century, what may not have been the norm a few years ago is now the norm. However in regards to a woman proposing to a man my views are very much old school/traditional let’s say and I am sure I am not alone.

Let me be honest, I give absolute props and admiration to women that propose to men, because I certainly wouldn’t have the balls to do so. This shows so many attributes, confidence being one of the ones that stand out, which I would commend her for. It also shows us that she will go for what she wants despite what society makes us believe is to be expected and the stereotypes that exist.

The media definitely plays a significant role in shaping our views on this topic. We are constantly shown images and videos of a man proposing to a woman. Engagement rings that are constantly advertised are very gender specific and aimed for women. Of course a woman proposing to a man does not occur as frequently as a man proposing to a woman. However it does happen and scenarios such as this should be portrayed.

Personally I cannot picture myself taking the steps to propose to my man, of course I can never say never but it’s very very unlikely I should say. I have imagined and pictured from a young age how amazing a proposal would be and it has never involved me being the one that’s asking for a partners hand in marriage. 

 As women the majority of us strive for equality and rightly so, but I do believe in some aspects of life there are some roles a man should take and some a woman should take. For me I would like my man to initiate this and take the lead in this aspect of moving our relationship forward.

This is just my personal opinion and preference; however I am a strong believer that as individuals we should do what we want to do regardless of what is considered to be the right way. Who decides what is the right way anyway? The answer is it comes down to you, the final decision lies in your hands. Don’t base your actions on the opinions of others, if you want to make your boyfriend your fiancé then go for it.

I am a woman so I cannot put myself in a man shoes, so I teamed up with my fellow relationship blogger friend Josh for this one so I could get a male perspective on this topic .

Josh’s view

When Tin told me about this topic, my immediate question was – Why would you as a woman even feel the need to propose to your man?

I get the man and women are equals and if can man can propose, the woman should be able to do the same if she wants. That being said, being equal doesn’t mean we are the same.

One of the differences is our ego. We men have a special relationship with our ego and a lot of time we make decisions based on how it stimulates our ego. I’m not saying you cannot or should not propose to your man, but you saying yes to us would do more for our ego, which affects how we see and appreciate you than us saying yes to you.

Also we are leaders by nature and like to take control as well as influence. I’m yet to meet a man that would like to get married but he’s waiting for his woman to propose first. if a man wants to marry you, he would ask you and if we are not asking, it’s normally for at least one of 3 reasons:

– We do not want to marry you (or anybody else)

– We are not yet sure if being married to you would be good for us

– We are not yet ready to get married because we cannot guarantee that level of commitment or we’re still chasing other things.

So why would you even want to propose to someone that’s not in a state to get married to you?

I have found that some women just want to believe what’s in their head, regardless of what’s staring them in the face. No MAN is too shy or scared to ask for what he really wants, so don’t feel the need to take the initiative on our behalf. Also if you are going to take the lead, you have taken what makes us feel like men, so don’t be surprised when you end up with a boy, and you have to take the lead on everything – money, bills, kids, school etc.

I can imagine how frustrating it can be for a woman waiting on her partner whilst factoring age and her close friends getting married. However if we have a good thing, I’d rather her ask me about my intentions than her proposing to me. When I proposed to my wife, that worm I had in my stomach when I asked her parents, bought the ring, getting down on one knee and hearing her say yes was priceless. It felt like I won the lottery and it could not have been the same if she had proposed to me. I probably would have laughed and thought it was a prank.

Thanks so much for reading this post. I would love to know both women and men’s view points on this topic. I would also love to hear from a man that has had a woman propose to him or a woman that has proposed, and if you would be interested in doing a guest post on this topic. Kindly comment below 🙂

Would you date a friends EX?

I thought I would do a post on this topic as I am sure people have very different views in regards to it. Many would argue that it is never acceptable and simply shouldn’t be done as it is somewhat the unwritten rule. Whilst others might say “you can’t help who you fall in love with.”

As with most things there are always two viewpoints as nothing is black and white. We all have an opinion on what we deem acceptable/not acceptable. The girl code/bro code is what you could describe as the friendship handbook of rules to abide to, and this comes into play when topics such as would you date a friends EX arise. So let’s discuss this further…

To kick this off let me give my personal view, which is that I would never date a friends ex, period! They say never say never, however I am very confident that this will never happen. I consider most my friends as family and to date someone they have been emotionally or physically attached to at some point,simply doesn’t appeal to me.

When our friends are with someone we are supposed to be their support system, someone they confide in when issues arise in their relationship and so on. So to begin dating the person they once or still have strong feelings for, is just not right in my opinion.

Many pull out the whole you can’t help who you fall in love with card, or it just happened. However, for me I stand with a view that “there is so much fish in the sea” why would it end up being a friends ex . Moreover you clearly didn’t gain feelings for this person overnight which may suggest that you was crushing on a friends ex the whole time they was together or was maybe even secretly wishing they would break up.

Of course in some situations you have contact with a friends ex because you may have been friends with the person prior to the relationship or may have even been the one that set them up which complicates things more. Regardless I still think you don’t cross that line because if you had feelings for this person you should have made them clear before your friend got involved with them.

Making a decision to date a friend’s ex is definitely one that could cause awkwardness or even lead to a friendship ending and there is definitely a lot that needs to be taken into consideration such as:

Friendship level

When talking about friendship levels, I am talking about how high you hold that friendship. A person can be your acquaintance or work colleague,these kind of relationships may not be as affected as it would be with a close friend/best friend who you should have complete loyalty too. Even if you are not close friends with this person  I still think it’s best to have a conversation with them out of respect.

Terms of their break up

If your friend and their ex broke up on bad terms and you was witness to the hurt they endured from the breakup, and yoy now want to date the person that caused this, there is a high chance  that the friendship will come to an end. A friend is likely to take this badly because let’s be honest it’s a hard pill to swallow. Whereas it may be a different scenario if they broke up mutually because they simply wasn’t right for each other and the relationship just wasn’t working out.

Duration of their relationship

The duration of the relationship could play a part on your friends reaction.If this was a short term relationship that was for example  three months and wasn’t that serious a friend may still be annoyed at this prospect but not in comparison to a relationship that may have been six months and over that which would be considered more serious and will have a worst reaction. Of course the short term relationship could have equally have had a lot of emotions invested. However, generally individuals seem to gain more feelings as the relationship progresses, hence my example of different time barriers.

Is your friend over their EX

As a friend you know when your friend is over someone, whether they admit it or not. We just know these things. There are little signs to look out for, they may still talk about them or even get upset when you mention their name.

These are just some of the things that come to mind. I believe that if you weigh all things up and still want to date a friends ex then this is the point to have a conversation with them. In all honesty this won’t be an easy conversation and you may leave it with one less friend .If you are part of a large group of friends this could also lead to certain other friends choosing not to talk to you, so be prepared for this. Of course ultimately you have the final say but all I will say is think of the long term and not the short term. If you sacrifice you friendship for this relationship and it doesn’t work out you have lost a valuable friendship that can’t be replaced.

To conclude, with everything in life there are many factors to think of before making a decision such as this. Ask yourself this, if the shoe was on the other foot and your friend was dating your ex would you be OK with it?

It is never a good idea to attempt to date a friends EX in secret because when it comes out and it will!! The friendship will already be ruined not only because you’re dating their ex but simply due to the fact that you wasn’t upfront.

Always be prepared for their reaction and respect it. A friend can be genuinely over the moon for you that you found someone you like even if it is their EX. However I doubt most will LOL. Some friends will immediately want to terminate the friendship and some might simply need time to digest this news. So stay ready for the response.

Thanks for reading, I would love to know your views on this topic, please comment below.