Does your partner give their phone more attention than you?

I thought long and hard about what my next post should be about, I even changed the topic of what I was originally writing about. I wanted this post to be about something that I could relate to and that I knew others could also. In this post, I will be addressing how fixated and easily distracted I believe this generation is with their smart phones, especially in the presense of their partners and how it can have the potential to cause issues in the relationships if it is not nipped in the bud.


Let’s be honest,in this day and age the majority of us love our phones and frankly can not function without them. It’s not neccerily the handset but more importantly the apps that are on them. Whether it be instagram, twitter or snap chat, we find ourselves in a situation where we constantly want to know what’s going on in the digital world. But can this be taking a toll on our relationships and if not now will it eventually lead to problems further down the road? I say yes, if there is no balance.

Of course it’s the 21st centuary and smart phones play a significant role in society, it is now easier to reply to emails efficiently, communicate with family and friends and  also a platform to promote and run a business. However like with most things in life, a balance needs to be maintained, especially if it results in you neglecting a partner.

Relationship issues caused by an obsession with our mobile phones

Communication issues
Obsessive phone usage can lead to issues in the relationship in regards to communication. Individuals are so engrossed in their phones these days, which is resulting in them communicating with a partner over platforms such as whatsapp/text instead of face to face. Adressing an issue via message can lead to miscommunication which is why face to face is always a better option. If something is misunderstood in person it can be cleared up then and there. Whereas a message can lead to more prolonged arguments and a more heated row may follow.

Attention diversion from your partner to your phone.

We have all been there! Giving our partner the side eye because they have been on their phone the whole time you’re supposed to be spending together. You’re having a cuddle but one of their hands is scrolling through instagram. You need to be able to give your partner your attention when spending time with them. Of course no one wants to come across as jealous or insecure especially over a smartphone but who wouldn’t be annoyed if a phone is getting more attention than them. This could also come across as you value your smart phone more than them.

Unnecessary arguments

Being on your phone 24/7 or too much can lead to disagreements, so why not avoid that by cutting your phone use down? Of course many of us have the habit of continuously picking our phones up to see what is going on as believe we are missing out on something if we do not do so. However we need to make a conscious effort to know when to and when not to pick up the phone, like not during a romantic moment.

How to prevent this issues

Ditch the phones on date night

Try to avoid using your phone during a date night or a romantic evening. I am sure whatever notifications are on your phone can wait a few hours to be read. Imagine having a lovely dinner with your partner and all of a sudden a beep comes in and you read and reply. Me personally I would be extremely annoyed and naturally will assume that whatever is happening on your phone is of more importance than me. Of course there is situations where emergencies occur and a notification cannot be ignored, however unless this is the circumstance ignore the message.

Do you do the same?

Personally I do believe that this generation has become so reliant on social media, myself included. I find myself constantly checking my different social media platforms to know what’s going on. When we first wake up instead of greeting our loved ones we are checking our phones for notifications which should not be the norm. Hell some of us are even upset when we pick our phones up and have no notifications.

However, we need to ask ourselves why are we so reliant on interaction on social media on such a continuous basis? Why do we need to constantly check what everyone is posting? Why is your phone the first thing you look at in the morning and the last thing before you go to bed? Especially if your other half is present. We need to ask ourselves: if I gave my partner as much attention as I give my phone would my relationship have the potential to be better? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, maybe you need to reevaluate how much time you spend on your phone.

How to address the issue

Lastly, I do believe people seem to get very defensive when topics such as this are brought to their attention, but the conversation needs to be had. It just needs to be approached calmly. No screaming the house down because the fact is many people are stubborn, if they feel they are being attacked they may latch onto the thing your telling them not to the most. Which in this case is a mobile phone. 

Try to have a heart to heart conversation with them where you tell them exactly how this is making you feel and express the fact that you feel like you are lacking bonding time when together due to their phone usage. Hopefully this will bring about change or even a cut back or even better an agreement can be made where at certain times there is no phone usage and just time for you both. The fact that someone is asking you to use your phone less around them should be seen as a compliment, they want your attention and company.

Thanks so much for reading. Would love to know your views on this topic. Does your other half give their phone more attention than you?  Comment below

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Would you sign a prenup

The topic of prenups is one that welcomes many mixed views. Me and Josh both share our perspective on this topic. To kick this post off we should first get a better understanding of what a prenup actually is:

A prenup is a legal contract/agreement that states how both finances and assets will be split between a couple in the unfortunate case of divorce. 
Some people are comfortable with the concept of signing a prenup whilst others will take immediate offence to this and could even flat-out refuse to sign it.

From researching this topic the most common reason as to why people take the idea of a prenup personally is that they believe it shows a lack of trust. They also see this agreement as preparing for the end of the marriage before it has even begun. Others that are for the idea of a prenup see it as just protecting their assets and nothing personal. They don’t see it as taking away from the marriage in any way.

My view

I can understand the argument both for and against signing a prenuptial agreement. On one hand if you trust someone whole heartedly and believe your both in it forever, what is the point of signing it. Others would also switch the argument and say that if you do see it as forever what is the harm in signing it, after all it will never come into play if we don’t  break up.

I am not married neither about to enter marriage but as of now I find myself leaning more towards not having to sign a prenup/having my partner sign one. The idea of having to sign an agreement pointing out what will occur if our relationship ends before saying ‘ I DO” just simply doesn’t appeal to me. It just seems like a negative way to begin a relationship.

I have always grown up with the concept of  when you enter marriage”whats yours is mine and whats mine is yours” and personally I believe a prenup dismisses this to a degree. We are becoming one after all, is that not the concept of marriage? 

Moreover, I like to look at both sides of an argument and when writing this post I was able to understand the mindset behind some wanting to have this agreement in place. If you are fully financially established before entering the relationship does your other half deserve half of that money which they didn’t work for or contribute towards in any way in the case of a break up? Probably not, unless kids are involved or the other party commited adultery.  A fair scenario would consist of the money accumulated by both of you whilst in the relationship and the marriage to be shared between you both equally if a divorce occurs. However, without a legal contract(a prenup) in place would this be the case.

Another reasons why a person may want to have a prenup in place is due to them believing a person could be marrying them solely due to their financial status or what they can gain from the marriage(gold digger). However if in any sort of doubt or worry should you be marrying that person to begin with? Probably not!

You should know your partner in and out before a decision about getting married is made and finances should have definitely been discussed by this point . 

We are all going to have a different opinion on subjects such as this. If you and your partner find yourselves in disagreement over the topic of prenups I think its important to respect one and others decision and ensure both view points are heard and understood.

It is a touchy subject so if a person is apprehensive and upset about the idea of signing a prenup initially let them warm to the idea. Ensure you are honest and let them know the reasons you believe a prenup is the right way to enter the marriage.

Moreover if someone is against signing a prenup you should also take their opinions into consideration. The reasons why they are against prenups may allow you to view the subject in a different light.

Josh’s view joshlovetalk.com

Personally I do not agree with prenup as I feel it is a threat to making successful marriage happen.

With divorce becoming increasingly popular, I understand that people feel the need to secure their finances, however I feel that mentality makes it difficult for marriage to thrive. It’s basically walking into a union designed to be eternal with a transient mind set. Marriage as lovely as it can be, comes with its challenges and going into it half-heartedly would most likely result into the marriage failing. 

For me, asking for prenup is not just a question of trust but also a question of how much value you feel the other person can add to you. So if you are unsure of your partner’s worth and value, should you be getting married to them?

If myself and my partner worked hard together to build some fortune but the marriage ends up in divorce, she’s definitely entitled to half because we worked for it together. On the flipside, if I was already made (financially successful), I would love to think I would be wise enough to marry someone that’s financial compatible or at least has enough about her to add value or complement what I already have going on. When you are in a strong financial position, you attract all sorts and it would be near impossible to tell who loves you for you or who loves you for what you can offer them. If you are not fortunate to have someone that’s been with you from the start, then it is important to use the dating period to better understand the person you’re with and the values they possess that would complement or add to what I already have going on.

The values do not always have to be money oriented; basically if your physical qualities were taken out of the picture, what else are you bringing to the table that can make your partners life better? 

If someone was to ask me for prenup, I will walk away from that relationship because I would not want to be with someone that feel I cannot add any value to them. 

Thanks for reading, We would love to know your view on this. Are you for or against a prenup?

Would you date a friends EX?

I thought I would do a post on this topic as I am sure people have very different views in regards to it. Many would argue that it is never acceptable and simply shouldn’t be done as it is somewhat the unwritten rule. Whilst others might say “you can’t help who you fall in love with.”

As with most things there are always two viewpoints as nothing is black and white. We all have an opinion on what we deem acceptable/not acceptable. The girl code/bro code is what you could describe as the friendship handbook of rules to abide to, and this comes into play when topics such as would you date a friends EX arise. So let’s discuss this further…

To kick this off let me give my personal view, which is that I would never date a friends ex, period! They say never say never, however I am very confident that this will never happen. I consider most my friends as family and to date someone they have been emotionally or physically attached to at some point,simply doesn’t appeal to me.

When our friends are with someone we are supposed to be their support system, someone they confide in when issues arise in their relationship and so on. So to begin dating the person they once or still have strong feelings for, is just not right in my opinion.

Many pull out the whole you can’t help who you fall in love with card, or it just happened. However, for me I stand with a view that “there is so much fish in the sea” why would it end up being a friends ex . Moreover you clearly didn’t gain feelings for this person overnight which may suggest that you was crushing on a friends ex the whole time they was together or was maybe even secretly wishing they would break up.

Of course in some situations you have contact with a friends ex because you may have been friends with the person prior to the relationship or may have even been the one that set them up which complicates things more. Regardless I still think you don’t cross that line because if you had feelings for this person you should have made them clear before your friend got involved with them.

Making a decision to date a friend’s ex is definitely one that could cause awkwardness or even lead to a friendship ending and there is definitely a lot that needs to be taken into consideration such as:

Friendship level

When talking about friendship levels, I am talking about how high you hold that friendship. A person can be your acquaintance or work colleague,these kind of relationships may not be as affected as it would be with a close friend/best friend who you should have complete loyalty too. Even if you are not close friends with this person  I still think it’s best to have a conversation with them out of respect.

Terms of their break up

If your friend and their ex broke up on bad terms and you was witness to the hurt they endured from the breakup, and yoy now want to date the person that caused this, there is a high chance  that the friendship will come to an end. A friend is likely to take this badly because let’s be honest it’s a hard pill to swallow. Whereas it may be a different scenario if they broke up mutually because they simply wasn’t right for each other and the relationship just wasn’t working out.

Duration of their relationship

The duration of the relationship could play a part on your friends reaction.If this was a short term relationship that was for example  three months and wasn’t that serious a friend may still be annoyed at this prospect but not in comparison to a relationship that may have been six months and over that which would be considered more serious and will have a worst reaction. Of course the short term relationship could have equally have had a lot of emotions invested. However, generally individuals seem to gain more feelings as the relationship progresses, hence my example of different time barriers.

Is your friend over their EX

As a friend you know when your friend is over someone, whether they admit it or not. We just know these things. There are little signs to look out for, they may still talk about them or even get upset when you mention their name.

These are just some of the things that come to mind. I believe that if you weigh all things up and still want to date a friends ex then this is the point to have a conversation with them. In all honesty this won’t be an easy conversation and you may leave it with one less friend .If you are part of a large group of friends this could also lead to certain other friends choosing not to talk to you, so be prepared for this. Of course ultimately you have the final say but all I will say is think of the long term and not the short term. If you sacrifice you friendship for this relationship and it doesn’t work out you have lost a valuable friendship that can’t be replaced.

To conclude, with everything in life there are many factors to think of before making a decision such as this. Ask yourself this, if the shoe was on the other foot and your friend was dating your ex would you be OK with it?

It is never a good idea to attempt to date a friends EX in secret because when it comes out and it will!! The friendship will already be ruined not only because you’re dating their ex but simply due to the fact that you wasn’t upfront.

Always be prepared for their reaction and respect it. A friend can be genuinely over the moon for you that you found someone you like even if it is their EX. However I doubt most will LOL. Some friends will immediately want to terminate the friendship and some might simply need time to digest this news. So stay ready for the response.

Thanks for reading, I would love to know your views on this topic, please comment below.

(Guest post) IF YOUR PARTNER CHEATED ON YOU, WOULD YOU STAY?

Cheating is one of the most common reasons for relationship breakups. It goes without saying that being cheated on hurts especially when you love and have invested so much in your partner.

I was once cheated on, and writing this blog reminded me of how much it messed with my emotions. Although my ego would not let me admit it at the time but I felt so insecure within myself; I questioned the way I looked, my personality and confidence. It even affected my perception of love and relationships.

So should being cheated on spell the end for a relationship or should you try to work things out?

When I ask people ‘What would you do if your partner cheated on you?’, I find that people who have made emotional, physical or financial investments despite the pain they feel say they would probably forgive and try to work things out. I guess it’s that feeling of when you’ve put so much into something, walking away in the face of an obstacle feels like giving up, and as human we’ve been taught all our lives not to give up. Some people do not agree with this and have a zero tolerance principle toward cheating.

Personally I don’t think it’s always that black and white. Although there is no valid reason for cheating, but depending on the circumstances, the decision to leave or stay can be a really tough to make. In my experience, what I found most annoying was that despite all the anger and wave of emotions I was feeling, there was this small distinctive voice that was playing the devil’s advocate in my head. This is the voice that reminds you of how much you’ve invested and the beautiful memories you’ve both shared. Even though your friends are telling you to move on, this voice convinces you the right thing to do is give another chance and this is the reason some people, after calling their partner all the names under the sun and vow to their friends that it’s definitely over, they somehow end back up in that relationship.

So should you stay or leave? Whilst I’m a believer of giving second chances, ultimately I think it depends on whether you’re able to get over the incident.

I feel to even know whether it is worth staying or leaving the relationship, you should spend some time away from your partner. You’ll be faced with the battle of your will against your heart, which can be extremely torturing. So it’s good to be around families and true friends that you can have a good time with and open up to (preferably open minded people with relationship experiences). This would create a much needed distraction as well as the thinking space to evaluate and assess things.

Yes! Your partner will be blowing off your phone, trying to apologise and win you back (Ps. If they are not, then they are clearly not interested). It would be very tempting to brush everything under the carpet and just carry on like nothing happened but I wouldn’t advice it. Take your time, don’t be put under pressure by your partner’s grovelling or your friends’ opinion on what’s right or wrong for you. Your emotional and mental wellbeing should be priority.

I found that at this point time became my best companion. Time allowed me to see if it was worth going back and most importantly, it helped me heal and gained my strength back.

Whether you decide to go back and work things out or not, let time heal you, otherwise you will either go back into that relationship an insecure nutcase, get into another relationship with the paranoia of being cheated on or stay single because you see every would-be partner as a cheat.

Hope you enjoyed reading or at least got some form of thought out of this.

Thanks.

This was a guest post from joshlovetalk.com be sure to check out his page and show some love. Comment your views on this topic below 🙂

If i am putting on loads of weight, i want my partner to tell me….what about you??

​​I have been seeing a lot of debates lately on the topic of ones other half being afraid to tell them if they feel they are putting on weight. The most popular reason for this being the fear that their partner will take it in the wrong way, therefore this topic is often perceived as some what of a taboo subject. 

Some would rather their partner just tell them how good they look regardless of weight gain and how much they adore them whilst others would like to hear the truth…which would you prefer?

Okay, so hearing the words “babe you have put on weight” is not the most exciting thing to hear. Reality is the majority of us myself included would take it negatively and not constructively. This is where the term “it’s notthe what you say it its how you say it” comes in to play.

If you are genuinely concerned about your partners weight you need to approach the topic sensitively and politely. Ensure you let them know you love them and are still attracted to them, because they need to know this. At this stage paranoia may start to kick in and all sorts of thoughts may be going through their brains like does he/she still want me, this is time to reassure them.

Let them know that you are just thinking of theirbest interest and are willing to both encourage and join them in any necessary steps to loseweight or live a healthier lifestyle. Wether it be joining the gym together or cooking healthier meals together.

 Moreover you need to always bear in mind that as much as you try tomotivate them, you should not pressure or force your view on them. They need to want to lose weight and ultimately the motivation can only come from them.

Personally I would like my other half to tell me straight if I am piling on the pounds and I woulddefinitely tell him if I thought the same in regards to his weight. I as an individual would rather someone who loves and cares about me brings it to my attention of course in a caringway.

If I am putting on weight I definitely know it,but have probably put it off. However hearing it from someone so close,may be the kick in thebutt I need. I for one and I am sure I am not alone spend so much time asking my boyfriend, “babe have I put on weight?” So should I ever besurprised if I hear the words YES, if I genuinely have put on weight, or should he lie to me and spare my feelings. 

I go with honesty. Don’t get me wrong the words YES might, well definitelymake me feel s*** but at least I know he kept it real with me.

Just like everything there is a way to address an issue such as this. There is a nice and concerned way to tell your partner “babe I think you’re putting on a bit of weight, and I just wanted to be honest with you” and then there’sa very insensitive way to address it such as  making jibes at his/her weight gain during an argument, that just aint cool.

To close as long as you know your partner is not saying it in a malicious way it should not cause lasting issues in the relationship.That is not to say that you wont be upset hearing the words, but maybe try to think past the negative and think of the positive. What I do strongly believe is that you should never mock or use it as low blow during a disagreement as that is when it will become a very big issue. 

If you love someone you would not use something such as there weight as something to use against them you will instead support them and help them in any way they need to be helped, be their support system and always remember honesty is the best policy!!

Thanks for reading, I would love to know your views on this topic…comment below

3months till goal weight! Unrealistic or doable?

So i havent stepped foot in the gym since April, for no reason other than i became lazy and could not be bothered quite frankly. I am a person that believes in order to go the gym i need to be fully focused and motivated and i was neither of the two so i decided at the time to terminate my membership.

However its a new year, i have decided to restart my membership and smash some of my personal fitness goals. My birthday is in April which is 3 months away, sounds so near  and maybe unrealistic but thats when i plan to reach my goal body. 

So i am quite happy with my body, but just like most people i have flaws that i would like to work on and tone.i would like to tighten up my stomach and other areas. My main problem area is fat around my hips/sides/waist or as some like to refer to is as “love handles”. They are not extreme but could definetly do with some attention. I also want to get my body fat down to what it was early last year ,which was 20%-22%. As of now its 32.5%.

Current weight, bmi,bodyfat and body fat mass pictured just below.

Goal

  • To turn fat into muscle
  • slim down my waist and hips
  • Get body fat down to 20-25%
  • I am not trying to loose weight simply tone and build muscle…so my goal weight is 11 stones…of course of muscle and  not fat)
  • Tone glutes

water

In the last couple of months its been juice or fizzy drinks which i plan to now cut out. I plan to drink strictly water or smoothies for the next three months. of course if its a special occasion i may have a cheeky alcoholic beverage or two lol.

smoothies

I am so excited to start drinking smoothies mainly because i can pick and choose exactly what goes inside it. I happened to walk into Wilko also known as wilkinsons and found this blender at a bargain price of £10.i love the colour and the fact it comes with two drinking bottles.

Classes

I plan to incorperate a different fitness class a week into my routine. I plan to switch it up so i may try an aerobics class one week and a legs,bums and tums the next. I will do this simply so i enjoy the process and at the same time get to try something new.

Junk food

I eat way to much junk food mainly crisp and sugary sweets. I am totally in love with the bubblegum flavoured cola bottles, once i eat one all self contol goes out the window. During these 3 months i will eat limited snacks by this i mean criso or buscuits twice a week. I plan to cut sweets out xompletly during this time.

Take aways

okay everyone who knows me knows i love a cheeky nandos lol and i definetly dont think i can go without it for 3months and i have know intentions of doing so neither. However i do plan to cut down on take aways and limit them to social nights with friends/family/date nights with other half. I will not order food when i am feeling lazy to cook insted i will a cook a high protein, low carb dinner.

I am doing this strictly for me !! I will post progress pictures at the end of every month.

(Guest post i done for The90sbaby show) Should your  other half post you on social media??

​Should your partner post you on social media? 

Do you care whether your other half posts you on social media or is it really not a big deal to you? Some people love the whole privacy thing whilst others find it suspect that their partner refuses to show them to the world.

Okay so there is two sides to every argument, on one side it’s just social media where you have people following you, most of which you don’t even know in person if were being honest. So maybe just maybe your partner does not want to put you on there for the world to see as it’s simply not their business.

We also have to remember that when people see your relationship on display on sites such as Instagram and Facebook they do tend to start being nosey and trying to get all up in your business. 

If you put your relationship out there, your followers start to feel like their automatically part of it and can start throwing out unwanted opinions. As sad as it sounds social media has ruined relationships in the past.

So is it best to just keep your private life private? We have all heard the saying “A private life is a happy life” right?

On the other hand, not posting your other half could lead to other issues such as your partner believing you don’t want to show them off, which I think relates to self-esteem. 

I think a lot of the reasons behind a person wanting and expecting to be posted has a lot to do with them feeling accepted and it gives them a sort of ego-boost. 

We all want to feel like our partner wants to show us off myself included. So do we really want our partner to post us on social media for the right reasons or is it simply to feed our own insecurities, it’s something we need to think about.

Secondly, avoiding posting your other half could also lead to them believing that you don’t want anyone to know you’re in a relationship and that you want to appear single to the cyber world. This could be far from the truth but is a conclusion that many could form.

The reality is that if followers of your different social media platforms see no trace of your other half, it could lead to them assuming you’re available as that’s what they want to believe. If there is no evidence to suggest otherwise they will run with that assumption, and that’s basically when they start jumping in your DM’s! Hell some thirsty individuals jump in your DM’s when they know you’re taken for crying out loud. 

My opinion is this, I don’t believe I need to post my partner on a regular basis and vice versa but I do believe people should know he exists, so a post here and there at least is reasonable.

We all tend to say things such as its only social media it’s not real life but its apparent daily that these media platforms are becoming more and more part of our reality and people tend to form an image of you based on what you portray on these sites.

Furthermore, I definitely believe that we should not place so much significance on this. I’ve since come to the realization that being posted on social media for the cyber world to know how much my partner loves me and wants to show me off is not my reality. If I know that he loves me and he is proud to have me as a partner why does showing me/us together on social media matter so much.

To conclude, we all have our own views in regards the importance of this topic. If you genuinely have concerns about why your partner does not post you, then a conversation should be had. However it should definitely not be a defining factor in your relationship. 

As I stated above people should know that your partner exist for the simple fact that I feel it leaves room for no unnecessary assumptions. Posting photos continuously and drowning your timeline could appear as attention seeking and like your seeking validation from others, so there should be a balance. However it’s about what works for different relationships, I just don’t believe it’s a make or break situation.

What are your views on this topic? 

Comment below i would love to know

I previously done this post for the 90s baby show make sure you CHECK them out at 90sbabyshow.com