Is it possible to stay friends with an ex

In relationship debates a common question is can exes be friends, this is a topic that people have different opinions on. 


When couples break up, one person most commonly the dumper tends to drop the common phrase ” I hope we can be friends though”. What I want to understand is, do these individuals just say this to ease the blow or do they genuinely have intentions of forming a friendship with their ex partner.

Although some couples part on amicable terms and make a mutual choice to break up, others usually end with one person making the decision to call it quits. This often results in the person that was dumped still have feelings for their ex. In this particular circumstance, a friendship would not do any good.

My opinion on this topic is, if you happen to bump into an ex whilst out and about it is perfectly normal to be friendly, for example saying hello. Whereas a friendship that consist of talking on the phone and face timing is not necessary.

I believe that the terms in which a couple breaks up determines how things are left. For instance if a relationship ends due to someone cheating, it may be hard for them to remain civil, let alone salvaging a friendship. Of course in time you may forgive that person, however I believe that attempting to be friends would just open up old wounds. 

There was a quote that was circulating around Instagram and Twitter in regards to relationships a little while back and I instantly thought about this whilst writing this blog post.

“We can still be friends’ is like saying ‘The dog died, but we can still keep it.”

This has always made me laugh, it’s quite an abstract comparison but what I am able to get from this quote is, if the relationship is over and dead why still keep that other person around. Their is a reason it ended.

On the other hand a factor that could result is exes remaining friends, is if they have a child/children together. They will have to have some sort of relationship or at least attempt to be civil for the kids sake, regardless of the circumstances of their break up.
Furthermore when deciding to be friends with an ex, one must also take into consideration wether a current partner is comfortable with this. Moreover, how will your exes partner feel about the friendship. Although you may have a friendship you perceive as innocent, a partner may not be so convinced. They may be uncomfortable with you maintaining a friendship with someone you once shared both an emotional and physical relationship with.

Can you be friends with your ex on social media platforms such as Instagram and Facebook? That is tricky. One side is, its only social media whats the big deal with seeing what an ex is up to via images and videos. 

On the other hand, why would you want to see what your ex is doing and potentially their new partner. However if your over it, do you really care who they moved on to? Or does part of you want to see if they downgraded lol. This does not mean you are not over the person, some people do it out of curiosity, whilst others are plain nosey.

To conclude, I believe that some individuals suggest a friendship merely to ease their conscience. Whereas others genuinely want to remain friends. Many believe maturity plays a role with exes wanting to stay friends. I personally disagree, as I believe some peoples wether mature or not would rather simply leave the past in the past.

Thanks for reading, I would love to know what your opinion on this is.

Can exes be friends?

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66 thoughts on “Is it possible to stay friends with an ex

  1. Cameron D Hamilton says:

    I love the thought of it but from experience it doesn’t work. Never being the dumper my feelings stay loving and romantic hers do not. When the friendship is unbalanced it will lead to fights and the eventual removal from your life. Now again it does depend on circumstances. I wish it was possible but the only possible way I see this happening is with time and I mean a great deal of time for the romance to fade. Honestly I think people say it and never mean it, my ex’s have often given that cliché but when I need a friend they don’t want to be around. Then again maybe I just dated horrible people.

    Liked by 2 people

    • TinzRant says:

      Thanks for stopping by I totally get what you mean, I do believe some people say it to make the break up less awkward. Why say something you genuinely don’t mean. Not fair on the other person.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Cameron D Hamilton says:

        It baffles me but I’ve experienced it so many times. Sometimes it’s just a cliché to get out of the moment and once they’ve left they no longer need to worry about your feelings. Breakups are full of cruelty even if it’s unintended. Friendship that start from pain are always going to be difficult but it’s a thought provoking question. I don’t know if there’s an answer to this, but it’s certainly interesting.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. A Baller's Voice says:

    My personal opinion is that if a couple were to break up – especially if one brought about the break up, there will be a sense that the invested time and effort was wasted by at least one party. In saying that it would make no sense to remain ‘mates’ with such a person.

    The other thing that needs to be considered is that one party will move on first, then what? Feelings are more than likely to go into limbo, all for something which in the grand scheme of things, should have been avoided in the first place.

    Like

  3. kzmxo says:

    I do believe two people can be friends when their relationship ends under certain circumstances and obviously depending on the mindset of the two individuals.

    I feel that most relationships lose sight of what is important these days, and that is being FRIENDS in the first place. Sure, people are “in a relationship” with each other but its a relationship that now has become a habit and in certain situations an “obligation”. Some people stay together for their children, some stay together because they don’t want to start over, some people are together because they think they won’t find anyone better… What I am trying to get at, is some people are in relationships for the wrong reason. They have lost so much respect for each other that some can barely stand each other. In those cases… no, I don’t believe people can be friends. People are selfish. When a title is put on a relationship, expectations begin to form. “You can’t go out, you can’t have social media, you need to be home at this time, you need to change, you’re not single anymore… you can’t do that.” Well, naturally… people don’t like being told what to do and being bossed around. We begin to try and control the other person and expect them to still put a smile on their face and rise above our expectations. Arguing starts and then everyone BELIEVES that “every relationship is going to argue and fight” But does it really need to be that way? Take a llook at your closest friendships…. do you sit there and treat them the way you treat your partner? Do you disrespect them? Do you lie to them? Do you call the names and expect them to get over it because you were upset? No. We naturally treat someone that is “just a friend” different than a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife. Why?

    We lose sight of what love actually is and just become attached to an IDEA of love.

    2016 is the year where sites like Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Farmers only? or whatever its called.. is so popular. People bluntly say they are looking for a relationship and possibly “the one”… Well, this already erases the whole idea of being friends because two people match based off of looks and are most likely only going to see the positives about the person because that is what each individual is going to try and present. They want to give their best and make it appear they they are close to perfect because they dearly WANT a relationship that they go out looking for it.

    So, the circumstances in which two people can be friends is when they realize that what they went through was a learning experience. When they can realize that even though they went through hard times, possibly even cheating… they can admit that they lost sight of who they were because they let ideas CONTROL them and turn them into different people. If they can take something positive from their experience and be able to thank the other individual for giving them the strength to be able to endure the relationship and the lessons in it, then they are already one step ahead. We need to separate ourselves from all negativity and attachments we set and truly love the other person for WHO they are. If we can’t do that, then let them go.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Rachel Nunez says:

    Thanks for the feedback on my blog! Your blog is awesome. I think being friends with an ex really depends on what the seriousness of the relationship was. I recently reconnected with an ex through Instagram after a few years and all was well. Maybe not right after the relationship because one person is always more hurt than the other. In time, I think it is possible. BUT my recent ex, I would never be friends with him! Really depends, I think.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. patricia says:

    It’s a tricky subject. Usually after a breakup, I don’t communicate with my ex. I find that if they’re still lingering around, it makes it more difficult to move on and it can be confusing. Once time has passed though, and I no longer have any romantic feelings, then the idea of friendship with an ex isn’t so confronting or weird. I’m actually good friends with an ex, but it did take time.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. lemonlolliepop says:

    I’ve tried this and it doesn’t work. Friendship lines were crossed because of familiarity which essentially meant that we were technically not broken up.I did not want to be in one of those situations where I can’t move on because I’m still attached to my ex. And so I cut all ties.. But I must add this, that whole “let’s try to be friends” phase helped in the process of letting go because it reminded me of the reasons why I ended the relationship in the first place and now I am quite certain that I will not relapse and try to respark that old flame

    Liked by 1 person

    • TinzRant says:

      Thanks for giving your view on this, I totally agree if their is going to be any type of relationship both people need to be completely over each other. Time is a healer 🙂

      Like

  7. heartsenminds says:

    from experience, it doesn’t work. it ends up just the two being hi-bye friends, the friendship doesn’t get to be taken care of when only one is working on it. So I think it’s safe to say that friendship is not even necessary when the passion is not there anymore. :/

    Liked by 1 person

  8. heartsenminds says:

    I have a question though. may i know your viewpoint on something? what if one in the relationship still has attachment towards the other who already lost feelings, but both of them are comfortable with being friends. BUT the attached one is usually the one trying to maintain or work on the friendship but he or she doesn’t mind whether he or she gets hurt or not? do you think it’s okay?

    i hope you understand what i mean haha

    Liked by 1 person

    • TinzRant says:

      Thanks for asking always happy to give my perspective. I think I get what you mean lol. I personally feel that if one person is still attached they can’t be friends because sooner or later they may try to be more than friends. Also for the person that is no longer attached anything they say or do in a friendly manner may lead to the attached person taking it wrongly. The fact that the attached person is trying to maintain the friendship may mean they don’t want the person out of their life completely also they may claim they don’t mind getting hurt but a person really does not no how they would feel unless they find themselves in that situation.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Natalie Heslop says:

    I agree with you it completely depends what type of relationship it was and how it ends. As most relationships have huge feelings involved I think to be fair, when it ends it’s best to break it cut and dry. Continuing on does gives neithrt party any benefits.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. stillaliveforever says:

    In my opinion, and this is just me, but I have had a long term friendship with my ex after dating for 10 months and having a terrible breakup, which I initiated. In fact, it was so terrible because he believed I had cheated on him and told me I ruined all his hopes and dreams of ever having a happy relationship after. However, it is possible, but you have to be willing to work around things, like your ex being bitter sometimes. My case is a little different from most, but in all honesty my ex was my best friend for years after our breakup. A year after our breakup, I helped take care of him after he broke his collerbone, and I still am close with him and all of his family. It’s been almost 7 years since we broke up, and he’s even met my current boyfriend and became friends with him. The difference is my ex is a very lonely person, and while he might be bitter and hate me, he also understands that I’m one of the only people who have ever taken the time to understand him and all of his quirks.

    We’re just lonely hearts looking for better days.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TinzRant says:

      Thank you so much for sharing much appreciated , it’s so nice to hear of s situation were a friendship was able to be established after the break up. It’s nice to know that it is possible for some to have a friendship with an ex and in your case even your current partner. 🙂

      Like

  11. gislyreal says:

    I think the term remains friends is cliche. In time we can get along like people who know each other but friendship is too rated. If sex was involve then it might get complicated with new partner and all the social media follow and all, can be handy but not really necessary. Anyways it’s a people thing, as people work through stuffs differently

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Brenn Elise says:

    My ex and I have remained friends for 4 years following our break up. My friends and family love him so much. He and I visit each other, FaceTime and talk on the phone. I cherish him and our friendship so sooo much but could never see us dating again. Recently it dawned on me that I have never really seen him date anyone else since we broke up. I realized that perhaps he still loves me and hopes that there’s a chance. Now I feel selfish for trying to maintain the friendship. I wonder if by me staying in his life that it’s preventing him from moving on.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TinzRant says:

      Thanks so much for taking time to comment and share your experience. It’s good you have managed to remain friends for such a long time, the fact that he hasn’t dated know one in them four years could be a sign that he still loves and is attached to you or maybe it could be a coincidence. He may also believe that a friendship could blossom things again, it’s such a hard situation to observe and conclude.

      Like

  13. LaNiqueLifestyle says:

    Hey, your blog is really great! I’m glad you came across mine or i would have never seen yours. I think that it’s possible for exes to be friends. It really depends on how the relationship ended, whether it was on a good note, bad note or mutual. You guys might not have the same level of friendship you had when y’all were together but i think it is possible. Me personally though, Im not friends with mine lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TinzRant says:

      Thank you so much and thanks for taking time to comment your perspective on this. I totally agree that the circumstances of how the relationship ended definitely plays a role with what happens next. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. kinkyedges says:

    I don’t think my exes and I can be friends. I tried, probably prematurely, and it didn’t work out. If you’re an ex, I more than likely loved you and furthermore, if we’re done, I want to close that chapter and allow those feelings to subside – not erase, but just get buried. But then again, I’m a passionate lover – it’s either all in or nothing for me! I can definitely see where you’re coming from, tho.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. lzht says:

    My first ex and I remained friends after our break up. Part of the reason why we both remained such close friends was because we ended amicably. Both of knew what exactly went wrong in the relationship and that we were just not meant to be together as a couple but as close friends.

    But for my second ex, we did not end on a good note and things got really rough between us before the break up. I’ve finally seen such a negative side of my ex dating him for close to 2.5 years. Nonetheless, we did had an amazing time together. There’s a possibly of being friends again but only if both of us have moved on and gotten completely over each other.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TinzRant says:

      Thank you so much for sharing your perspective and experience much appreciated. Your experience goes to show that the terms in which the relationship ended determines wether a friendship can even be established after.

      Like

  16. Buki Alamu says:

    “We can still be friends’ is like saying ‘The dog died, but we can still keep it.” I never thought about it that way and even thinking about it now, I don’t quite agree with that analogy. There’s no rule about it, whether to be friends or not. I suppose it would depend on the situation surrounding your breakup or situation surrounding your inevitable dealings with that person, if you find yourself in such category. Either way, however you are mature to move on or deal with your issues (personally) is more important for me

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Jihad for God says:

    Doesn’t work. Its like leaving the door ajar, just in case, and putting your foot in it to secure one’s ego.
    We sometimes like some familiar territory to cave back to when things do not work out in new lands, someone who can understand us better.
    We even want to call them up just to see how things are working out for them.
    I’ve also realized that when people breakup they engage in a bitter unconscious competition to prove that one can be a lot happier without the other; new car, new wardrobe,Paris shopping and worst,they rub it all in your face on social media… But its toxic for both your ex and yourself. When the dog is dead, why keep it vele?

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Shandean™ says:

    I have only 2 exes. One I am close friends friends with for over 10 years, the other I am not. It depends on the person’s character and what is revealed or nay have transpired during or prior to a breakup.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TinzRant says:

      Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing. Its good to hear you have been able to become friends with an ex for so long it shows it can happen. I definitely agree thAt was happened whilst in the relationship and out of it plays a big role. 🙂

      Like

  19. cameronB says:

    I asked my ex if we could be friends after a week went by after we broke up. My feelings had obviously not gone away. But I was feeling a lot of pain having to go through each day with out talking to her. We stayed friends and we also got back together. Then more drama started and now we’re done for good. BUT I feel a little bit more closure knowing we really wouldn’t work out. I know some people can stay friends with their ex and they are totally cool about it. I just am not that kind of person I guess!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. mz4rlcg says:

    I’m a witness you can be friends with an ex. I believe when it’s over it’s over. Sometimes people get alone better once it’s over. You have to without a doubt know it’s over this way no one crosses the line (ever). I’m not saying hanging out or anything I’m talking about being able to communicate like two grown people without arguing or dredging up old issues.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. shxrxx says:

    i agree so much with you! it is such as struggle especially when you still care about your ex as a person… for me i test whether i’m ready by measuring my own feelings that arise when i think about him moving on and having a new girlfriend and whether i’d still be able to handle talking to him. but regardless i wont muster up much energy to keep that friendship tight – there really is not much point and there are so many inspiring and amazing people and friends out there!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. nicolaaneis says:

    being friends with an ex can be a disaster. Esp. if the terms of the break up was mutual. a few years down the line, you see him and feelings come rushing back. At that time it might work but most times you always fall out for the same reason as the first. So I disagree with exs being friends. Its too much and temptation lurks with each encounter.

    Liked by 1 person

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