Who should pay for the date?

In the dating world, the question of who should pay for the date is often discussed. I am sure many individuals  find the most awkward part of the date to be when the bill is given. Will the man pay or should the bill be split equally.


So who should pay for the date? My view on this topic depends on where in a relationship a couple might be. For instance the first date, do I believe the man should pay? Yes, not because it is stereotypically the norm but because 1) He should wine and dine his date as they are still at the getting to know each other stage. It shows how he sees and values her, you are in no way buying her interest, just showing her she’s worth getting treated. 2) He probably initiated the date.

However a woman should always bring money on the date, you should never expect to be paid for. You don’t want to end up humiliated if you do have to pay your part of the bill and have no cash.

Moreover, a more interesting question is who should pay after the first date and further on in the relationship. The type of date and the occasion definitely plays a part. For example a birthday or celebrating a partners work promotion.

In terms of the type of date,if you go to a location such as a bar, both individuals can take turns getting a round. This way both individuals are paying money towards the date. Another example is somewhere like the cinema, one person can pay for the film, whilst the other pays for the snacks.

Whereas when taking a partner/ date out because you are proud of an achievement they may have gained, or a birthday, of course I believe that person should be paid for by their other half/date. This is regardless of whether male or female and whatever stage you are at in your relationship. This is a special occasion.

To conclude, my personal opinion is that when a relationship is fully established although it sounds cliche , who ever suggest the date should pay. In regards to my relationship, if I ask my partner to dinner randomly I am expecting to pay as I suggested it. Although It may not always end up in me paying, I have asked with full intentions to take responsibility of the bill.

Lastly, I do not believe that one person should pay for all the dates, it’s a partnership and both people in the relationship should contribute financially.
I would love to know your views on this topic, please comment below 🙂

Advertisements

32 thoughts on “Who should pay for the date?

  1. david lewis says:

    I totally agree that the man should pay for the first date. Subsequent dates should be discussed (which I think the man should carry most of the bill). This is based on the fact that the man is doing the pursuing and he should show how much he really wants her.

    Liked by 2 people

    • J J says:

      While I typically prefer to pay on a first date, I think the expectation, or judging the worthiness of an individual or yourself based on that sets a dangerous precedent. It’s shallow at best, and sets up the relationship to be “transactional” from the get go at worst.

      It can say you do not value equality. It can say you expect to be compensated for your time (vs. a mutually enjoyable social encounter). It can say a man is only worth your time and is only interesting to you if they have the funds to compensate. Or.. that you value someone who actually is pretending to be something he’s not (rich enough to take you out on the town, and is oblivious to his own plight and self destruction as he struggles with his own finances)

      It brings into question of things such as.. How are you expected to re-pay this person? Do you do so with your fantastic wit? (subjective) Your personality? (you could be boring as hell) Your good looks? (eye of the beholder) Your sexuality? Are you implying the gentleman isn’t bringing any of these things to the table or that they should either try harder than you or just bring their wallet?

      If you were to exchange the word “date” with “sex”, how do you feel about it then? Because that’s what you’re essentially setting things up to be on some level.

      Again, not saying a guy shouldn’t pay on first date. That’s a traditional etiquette and I can empathize with how nice that is. But the expectation and devaluation of a person’s worth based on that ability, or that it somehow translates into how you feel about your worth to them.. That’s an extremely treacherous trail to blaze and is completely apples to oranges in terms of how the human mind ACTUALLY operates. You wouldn’t condemn a good friend for this. You should consider how that friend got to be your friend.

      My opinion is that you offer to split the check, and be genuine about it. Odds are he’ll take it all on anyway. But you don’t know if the guy is going through a bad week and will end up eating ramen as the result of your date night. You don’t know if he now thinks all he has to do is turn on the charm and pay for your dinner to secure your attention. The guy might be a thought provoking, creative and amazing individual who is testing to see if you’re just another pebble in the mound of gold digging shallow psycho-paths out there. Because, sister, there are as many out there as there are players.

      In short.. value yourself more and be the person to an individual that you’d like them to be to you. The first date theatrics are all a bunch of BS. Everyone knows it. So why engage with someone going through the motions? The world doesn’t revolve around one person or the other unless that person believes so. And if that’s the case, you should avoid them like the plague. Whatever side of the date equation they reside on.

      Liked by 2 people

      • TinzRant says:

        Thanks for your view in relation to this topic. I enjoyed reading your perspective, as I wanted to get a bigger idea of were most people stand in the argument of who should pay and their reasons for this. 🙂

        Like

  2. rosaade says:

    My motto is don’t go no place if you know you haven’t got money. Especially as a female, because for some reason.. Be it Naivety, delusion, hope… Females believe that they should always be treated/shouldn’t expect to pay when there is a man about… But for me I just see it as if the man makes a swift exit, I will be DAMNED if I am left sitting at the table like boo boo the fool when the bill comes and I can’t cover it.
    That being said… It is nice for a lady to be treated on the first date.
    I won’t go as far as to question a man’s ‘manlyness’ if they don’t pay of a first date/feel like they shouldn’t… I will just see it as maybe they aren’t for me… Not because they can’t part with money but because they don’t deem me worthy enough to treat… Be it the first date or not.

    If we do dinner and drinks on the first date I’m definitely not by any means saying the man should pull out his debit card on both occasions… As a working and capable female ‘ a bitch can pay for some drinks’ lol…
    Besides… Guys be acting like Girls are asking them to take them to The Shard for the first date and pay £200+ for dinner ( it’s not that serious )….. (Sorry got abit ghetto for a hot sec)

    Anyway in short (because I feel like this has become a blog post on itself) we are all grown… We aren’t 15 anyway, we’re not collecting ESA anymore… We’re working now or hopefully on our way… So let act like grown ups….
    Guys treat a girl from time to time … There is no shame in ‘ paying for a chick that’s not your girl’ *rolls eyes*
    And
    Ladies, don’t go out on a date knowing full well you’ve got £5 in your acc.. ‘It’s not cute’… Treat a guy from time to time

    Liked by 2 people

    • TinzRant says:

      Thanks so much for your comment, It proper made me laugh but your perspective definitely makes sense. I agree that both the male and female should pay its shouldn’t be limited to one person. The part about don’t go out with £5 in your account on a date is so funny but true, you should always have enough to pay your way.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Redefining Me says:

    Very good read and one that has such opposing view points. I have a post that I haven’t published yet that deals with this very topic. In short, I am on the side that the man should pay on the first date, with only a few exceptions. Namely, if the first date is not going well and you know that there will not be a second date, I think that paying for your portion is more than appropriate. I look forward to reading more from you!

    Liked by 2 people

    • TinzRant says:

      Thanks for your views on this topic, your so right it is definitely one that has opposing views. I would love to read your post on this topic when you publish it. I will definitely be keeping and eye out for it. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • horptie says:

      wow, I like your view to it. I would even on the first date attempt to pay the bills even as a female but your reason to it even wowed me more into being particular when that may be the issue #smiles. do check out my blog at Horptie.wordpress.com ,thanks!

      Liked by 2 people

  4. @onlyonemoreol says:

    Usually on the first date, as the man i feel that it’s only right that i would pay for it. Even if she says she wants to pay i still tell her no i got it. If she persistent about paying something then i just say ok then i pay for the bill nd you leve the tip. That way it’s mutual and you both feel like you equally took part in paying for dinner. Now I’ve been on dates where we did the dinner and movie thing and i paid for the dinner and she rushed to pay for the movie which is fine with me. We both had a great time and we did more ates like that. As the relationship goes on then that’s when i would let her pay for more things if she wants but i always feel the need to take care of her and show her a good time without her coming out of pocket no matter how much money she got.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TinzRant says:

      Thanks for your comment and your perspective :). The Whole one person pays for the dinner and the other pays the tip is a good idea, at least that way both people have contributed financially to some degree.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. michaeljfite says:

    This a very good and interesting post! It is hard to truly say who should pay on dates, but as you mentioned, it is always good to have cash on hand and ready to pay just in case. I think this topic will be ongoing as long as dating is apart of our society. Keep on bloggin’!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. BABE says:

    Wonderful post! Love your way of writing…. And I agree with you, I think both the partners should have an understanding and share the ‘burden’ 🙂 :P.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. authorcherie says:

    In many ways, I wholeheartedly agree with you. I am truly tratditional/old school/classic or whatever you want to call it😛, a gentleman in all aspects is what I truly want on a date. It’s #1 to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. INKOGA says:

    This is so, so, so, so, so valid right now! I was having this conversation with my mate. If you don’t mind I am going to mention this post on the topic of discussion on my podcast.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s